Martha's Secret Vineyard

Country Living

2010-08-20T23:06:00.002+01:00

Hooray! After months of indecision, consternation and long evening talks, we have decided that now is the time to move out the city and into the country.

I grew up a country girl and although I love the speed and convenience of city life, Martha needs and deserves to have some of the space and greenery that I got to use and enjoy as a child.

And we're very excited for ourselves too!

The English countryside is, in my own small opinion, the most beautiful in the world and once there I can't wait to dive in and partake of some country pleasures and pursuits. Nothing too muddy mind you. I never was one for stomping about in rain and dirt. ;-)

No, my thoughts are turning more towards those lovely cosy projects that lend themselves so well to crisp Autumn evenings and long winter nights.

Here are a few brimming ideas on my country to-do list:

1. Make jam. There's no reason why this can't be done in the city and I have on a few occasions, done so, but home-made jam made with locally grown, organic strawberries is definitely all the sweeter in the country.

2. Learn how to sew - properly. My sewing skills are seriously lacking. But with fewer distractions and hopefully some help with Martha (my family will be living close by) I might just find time to take a sewing class or two and really learn how to make my own clothes.

3. Quilting. My mother is a quilting extraordinaire. She's relatively new to it but has picked it up with ferocious skill and speed. She's gainfully asked if I would like her to make me one. Well, no need to ask! I look forward to many an hour spent watching and learning.

4. Gardening. With any luck, I'll be able to get my mitts just a tad grubby in our very own patch of land. No more will my herbs be confined to pots. It's real soil and earth from now on! And who knows, if I get lucky, I might just get a crop of onions going too.

5. And perhaps best of all, I'll be able to read Country Living, no sense of irony required!

It's back to the country we go!

A Little Quandary

2010-08-17T22:36:00.005+01:00

Since my daughter was born, I have advocated and practised a fairly relaxed style of parenting. We co-sleep. I breastfeed on demand. There have been no routines beyond the absolutely necessary. And in lots of ways it's worked well. I read The Continuum Concept and Three In A Bed when Martha was still only very tiny and I decided then that attachment parenting was the way for us. I have been lucky to have found this way fairly easy.

It is only now, as she approaches her first birthday that I am starting to realise that there may be some difficult choices rapidly coming my way.

Martha and I struggled to establish our nursing relationship. My post birth recovery was long and difficult and it seemed to take months for my milk supply to reach an abundant level. At 8 weeks old, Martha wasn't gaining enough weight and I was advised to supplement with formula. With a heavy heart and a lot of hesitation, I decided against it. There is nothing wrong with supplementing when it's necessary but Martha was active, alert and gaining weight (just not enough) and I was sure that with a bit of time and extra effort I could manage to breastfeed exclusively and keep her weight gain steady. And so I nursed round the clock. Every hour on the hour. I seemed to spend weeks and weeks glued to the couch or the bed. It was difficult, painful and dare I say it, a little boring, but our perseverance paid off and soon Martha was gaining nicely.

So it seems a little ironic and maybe even a little unfair that after all that effort I find that Martha and I now have the opposite problem! Since she began eating solid food at 6 months old, Martha has developed quite the appetite. She can certainly give me a run for my money at the dinner table! Her breastfeeding habits however have remained unchanged. She feeds often, both day and night and is still not sleeping more than 4 hours at a time. And since I feed her to sleep...there is alot of breastfeeding happening in our house!

All this has caused her to fill out a little (ok...a lot!) and last month, after I had taken her to our local baby weigh in clinic, I was told by the resident health visitor that I would have to do something about her rapid weight gain or there was a possibility that I would be asked to take Martha to see a paediatrician. She is not yet overweight, but if she continues in this same pattern, before long she will be. So of course I asked what solution was recommended. It turned out that the only 'something I would have to do' was controlled crying.

Now, I don't intend to pass judgment on anyone who has used, or felt it necessary to try controlled crying. For some parents, sleep deprived, exhausted and frustrated, I imagine it is the only course of action.

But for me, it seems wrong. For Martha, it seems wrong.

So I'm faced with a tricky decision. Do I carry on as we are - allowing Martha to gain more weight than is deemed 'necessary' or do I take some probably drastic steps to reduce her feeds? I know in my heart of hearts what I would rather do and it isn't option B!

But it's more important that I do what is right for Martha.

As I said. It's tricky...

I have no conclusion to this little outpouring. There has been no divine piece of wisdom benevolently bestowed on me yet, providing the solution to my dilemma! I just wanted to send my thoughts out into the cyber-wilderness and say a little wishful prayer that the answer will come to me, right when I need it.

And until then, I'll do the only thing I can think to do. Be a mother to my daughter.

"A mother's treasure is her daughter".

Catherine Pulsifer

Rat Race

2010-08-11T22:56:00.004+01:00

A man I have never heard of died today. I only discovered the news when my husband sent me a news article detailing this man's life and works. His name was Jimmy Reid. He was a trade unionist leader in Scotland during the difficult days of the early 1970's. And together with a man named Bobby Dickie, he led a successful protest against the closure of a shipyard on the river Clyde. There was no violence. No picketing. No strike. He persuaded his colleagues to simply stay in their factory, to complete their work and, if it came to it, to put up no resistance to police efforts to remove them. It worked. And to this day the shipyard on the Clyde remains in use and profitable.

All of this information is hardly news. It happened last century. But Jimmy Reid became a hero. And he is still considered a hero by many today. His career following his life as an engineering shop steward was rather glittering. He became a journalist; writing columns, hosting television programmes and even making a documentary. And in 1972, in recognition of all he had achieved, he was made rector of Glasgow university and at his inauguration he gave a speech.

Whether you love or loathe the politics of Jimmy Reid, or even if you've never heard of him until today, there is no doubting the beauty and the power of the words he spoke on that day.

I often think about the nature of the workplace. How corrupt it can be. How often it forces those in it to spend a life in vicious pursuit of either survival or materialism. How it flies in the face of so many of the teachings of a humble carpenter from Galilee. What does it mean to be a Christian in the world of big business and mass consumerism?

On that day way back in 1972, Jimmy Reid summed up what I and many millions of other people feel when faced with the reality of working life in our modern, developed, civilised country.

I have nothing left to add here. His words produce something more powerful than I ever could.

“A rat race is for rats. We’re not rats. We’re human beings.

“Reject the insidious pressures in society that would blunt your critical faculties to all that is happening around you, that would caution silence in the face of injustice lest you jeopardise your chances of self promotion and self advancement.

“This is how it starts and, before you know where you are, you’re a fully paid up member of the rat pack.

“The price is too high. It entails the loss of your dignity and human spirit.

“Or as Christ puts it ‘What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul?’”.

Jimmy Reid RIP

A Psalm For Today

2010-08-04T10:41:00.007+01:00

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD".
Psalm 31:24

Ending The Mummy Wars

2010-08-03T21:53:00.008+01:00

Hold the presses! And don your hard hats. For there has been yet another study released, all about us modern mothers and the myriad ways we damage our children through the choices we make.

Except, this one comes with a difference. The results of a recent American study by The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care has demonstrated that on balance, babies and young children do not suffer when their mothers go back to work within 1 year of giving birth and that, taking into account all factors (such as lifestyle, health of the mother, financial stability and child-care choices) the effect of having a working mother on a child is no different than the effect on a child when it's mother remains at home.

"The good news is that we can see no adverse effects," said American academic Jane Waldfogel, currently a visiting professor at the London School of Economics. "This research is unique because the question we have always asked in the past has been: 'If everything else remains constant, what is the effect of a mum going off to work?' But of course everything else doesn't stay constant, so it's an artificial way of looking at things.

"Family relationships, family income, the mental health of the mother all change when a mother is working and so what we did was to look at the full impact, taking all of these things into account."

Now, this is of course good news in many ways. Working mothers are frequently berated for their decision to work, despite the fact that many women not only need to work to make ends meet but are happier and healthier when given the opportunity to work outside of the home. And taking an over-simplistic view of things, happy mum = happy baby.

Except that it just isn't that simple. The findings of this study do indeed disprove, or at least throw into debate, countless other investigations done. But on closer inspection, the conclusions found seem to apply to only a small sub-set of working mothers. The study listed some advantages that children enjoy when Mummy goes out to work. Greater financial stability. Excellent child-care. An increase in quality of life and lifestyle.

Again, all good.

But is this really the reality for most working mothers? Waldfogel tells us, "This is especially good news for US mothers, who typically go back to work after three months because of the lack of maternity leave, but it equally will apply to the typical British family."

Hmmm...most mothers in the US return to work at 3 months post-partum because of a lack of maternity leave? This doesn't sound like choice to me. This sounds like institutionalised expectation. It sounds as though perhaps, there is a pressure placed upon these women to go back out to work, to earn some money, to do some 'real' work. Where is the happy mum = happy baby equation in this?

I simply don't see it.

The examples quoted are very telling also.

"Julie Wilson, 43, returned to work full time when her first son, James, was six months old. "We had a really good nursery nearby and it was absolutely fine. I really enjoyed my job and never considered changing my hours. I don't feel he missed me – he was happy at nursery. He was occupied all the time… Later on it was really educational."

When her second son, Ben, was born, she returned to work again, but went part-time. Wilson, who now works as a freelance, thinks the decision to work had no negative impact on the boys, now 12 and eight. "Looking at James now, he is a very rounded individual."

There is no single mother here, living in council housing or with her parents, desperately trying to forge a decent career and working at McDonalds to fund her education. There is no married women whose husband has been made redundant, forcing her to go back to the office job she hated Monday - Friday while her children stay at home with Daddy.

No, the women quoted in this study are the fortunate ones. They are the those women who have already dedicated time to their careers prior to having children. They are the women who need rely on no-one for financial support since they are successful, independently wealthy and able to afford the best child-care money can buy.

The conclusion that mothers should not feel guilty for the choices they make is valid and noble. Of course women should have the choice to work, just as men should have the choice to stay at home if they wish.

But there is a baffling display of confusion here, the assumption that a women who goes out to work is a woman who has chosen to go out to work. It's no doubt a huge relief for all working women, whatever their circumstances, to read that their working life is probably doing no damage to their children, but wouldn't studies such as this and the institutions that fund them better serve the women they are seeking to help by researching ways to enable more women to have the choice to stay home, if they wish?

The last 20 years of consumerism and global capitalism have forced most families into a 2 income situation, whether they want to be in one or not. How often is the phrase uttered "Oh, I would love to stay home, but we just can't afford it". This isn't a mindless excuse. It's a very accurate reflection of the enormous pressure that many in the developed world face, to keep accumulating, keep consuming and keep moving. Men are just as susceptible as women. And in many parts of the UK, the perceived necessity for Mummy to go out to work stems from the strive to afford decent housing, in a safe area, with (and this is crucial) good local schools. Try buying a family home in a nice area of Kent on £25,000. It's next to impossible.

I suppose my point is this: Positive encouragement of mothers and the tasks that they face is only ever a good thing. The founders of this study rightly sought to comfort the anxieties that working mothers feel and they did just that. The 'Mummy wars' and the insults and judgement that goes with it has go on too long and I for one welcome the findings of this study as demonstration that most mothers simply do the best that they can, for their families and themselves. But as well as encouragement and comfort, society should be seeking ways to help all families achieve a life that they feel is right for them, rather than relying on a promise that the life that they have probably isn't going to hurt them in the end.

2010-07-29T23:23:00.010+01:00

Advice To A Girl

No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed;
Lay that on your heart,
My young angry dear;
This truth, this hard and precious stone,
Lay it on your hot cheek.
Let it hide your tear.
Hold it like a crystal
When you are alone
And gaze in the depths of the icy stone.
Long, look long and you will be blessed:
No one worth possessing
Can be quite possessed.

-Sara Teasdale (1884 - 1933)

Oh, fudge!

2010-07-26T22:51:00.004+01:00

I'm always more than a little surprised when I try out a new recipe and find that it actually works. I'm 'blessed' with such a lot of clumsiness and impatience that it's a miracle that some of my cooking attempts make it out of the kitchen and into people's mouths.

But there is always an exception to the rule and I'm really chuffed that my fudge-making efforts last week passed muster. It felt really nice to be able to give some delicious sugary treats to family and friends at the weekend.

Whoever said food is meant to be shared definitely knew what they were talking about!

Fudge Recipe: Makes A LOT!

410g (1 tin) evaporated milk
170g butter (I used salted, but unsalted will work just as well)
1/4 pint of milk (I used semi-skimmed)
1kg white granulated sugar

1. Melt the butter in a very large saucepan.
2. Add the sugar, milk and evaporated milk.
3. Turn the heat up high and whilst stirring continuously, boil the mixture rapidly until it becomes thick and syrup-ey. This can take up to 30 minutes (or longer if you have a crawling baby to keep an eye on!).
4. Drop half a teaspoon of the syrup into a glass of cold water. If the syrup holds it's shape and looks and feels like chewy toffee, it is ready to be removed from the heat.
5. Once removed from the heat, continue to stir vigourously while the mixture cools for 2-3 minutes.
6. Scrape the mixture into a large greased and lined cake or casserole dish.
7. Leave to cool for 2-3 hours, then cut into chunks, squares or cubes.

Enjoy!

Do Not Worry

2010-07-21T21:27:00.005+01:00

One of my all time favourite bible verses is found in Matthew 6:34:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own".

It's such a comforting message. The reassurance that we all sometimes need that we don't need to try to control every aspect of our lives, that Someone Else ultimately has a plan and all we need do is be faithful and trust that He will provide for us what it is we need.

And yet, I realise that putting aside the gentleness and love of God that this passage conveys, there is a commandment here that we are meant to obey. "do not worry". I note that it doesn't say 'try not to worry', or 'practice some relaxation techniques to avoid worrying'. No, it says, quite simply, 'do not worry'.

Well, at the risk of sounding flippant, I have some work to do on this one!

Worrying is almost a skill of mine. Especially since I became a mother. I must spend a good portion of each day worrying about something. And usually, it is over something I can't ever actually control. Of course I know, rationally, that a good Christian hands over all their problems to God in prayer. And I do, quite happily, list my woes (that might be a rather dramatic term!) when I pray, requesting that He send some much needed help my way. But I rarely leave it there and go about my business, confident in the promise that God has made.

No, I am far more likely to mull over the issues of the day; analysing, dissecting and occasionally agonising over their little details. 'If only I had done it differently, then this wouldn't have happened. If only so-and-so hadn't said what they said, then I would be feeling like this. If only I could live in a bigger house/different area/save some more money etc, then everything would be perfect'!

If only. If only...

And what is evident to me, writing this now, is that this sort of mindset is not only deeply disrespectful to God, but it also does me no good.

To spend even a moment of a day worrying and fretting is to lose a moment that could be dedicated to something worthwhile, something pleasant, or even something just silly and fun.

What a wasted opportunity!

So today, I pledge to quit and go cold turkey. No more worrying, no more fretting.

I will endeavour to place my trust firmly in Him, safe in the assurance that He will never let me down.

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone".

Psalm 91: 11-12

Baby Baby

2010-07-14T22:36:00.003+01:00

Ah, the joys of teething. Martha is going through another gum-related challenging phase and it's definitely causing us all a bit of stress.

Co-sleeping and breastfeeding help alot. After all, no one wants to be getting out of bed to pick up their crying baby at 4am...not to mention again at 5am, 6am and 7am.

But still, a few broken night's sleep can really play havoc with your body, mind and sadly, your patience.

So I'm writing this little post for Martha. As a reminder to myself of all the wonderful things about motherhood and just how much she has enriched and completed my life.

For every angry scream, there is a gurgling grin. For every clenched fist, there is a gentle stroke. For every red face, there is a calm smile.

In the midst of the tiredness, the screaming, the biting and the tears I hope she knows just how much I love her.

I can't wait for the day that I can tell her and she will understand.

"Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven".

Matthew 10:18

The House That Hubby Built

2010-07-06T21:21:00.007+01:00

I never was blessed with a knack for practical skills. Fortunately for me though, my husband was.

This 'little' effort as he called it was rustled up this evening in just an hour.

A master DIY-man and a swift worker into the bargain.

Yes indeed. I'm a lucky girl!

:-)

Friday Feeling

2010-07-02T12:44:00.004+01:00

Martha is very much an all-singing, all-dancing baby. She loves music. The more up-beat, the better.

This is one of her (and my) favourites.

And the ending to the video is, in my opinion, fabulous!

It definitely gives me that elusive 'Friday feeling'.

Happy Friday!

Thank You

2010-06-29T21:40:00.006+01:00

It's not always easy to stand by your principles. It becomes that much more difficult when your principles and beliefs fly in the face of what a lot, ok, most people consider 'normal'.

Don't drink? Enjoy a lifetime of being the designated driver.

Don't smoke weed? Well, you're missing out on a real 'bonding' experience.

Don't want to have sex before you're married? Well, that's just nuts!

Christian children especially are under unique threat in today's world. The media bombard them with over-sexualised, violent and materialistic messages at every turn. It's impossible even to walk into a newsagents without being faced with a barrage of pornographic material, masquerading as magazines and news-print.

So it comes as little surprise that the old-fashioned way of doing things (or NOT doing things) has become just that; old fashioned and redundant. Today's society has moved on from the 'bad old days' of Victorian values and Christian influence and no one in their right mind would possibly consider giving up the luxuries that a relativist, modern society offers. Sex, drink, drugs...you name it, you can do it. And to that I have to say fair enough. Far be it for me to presume to tell anyone else how to live their life. But it seems that the same is not true in reverse. Any young person who does embrace so many of those old fashioned values is, in our world, open to severe criticism. And any teenager defending and championing the cause of abstinence in particular can become the focal point of serious peer pressure and social scrutiny.

However, once those awkward teenage years are finished, most of us expect that we will be able to live our ways as we see fit and that provided we transgress no law, we will be free to make choices that we feel are right, for us, without having to constantly explain and defend our actions

How sad then am I to find that there are many people who live with daily criticism for embracing a traditional Christian life in adulthood and living it to the full. I look back on some of my wasted years, in which I was far from the model of a good Christian woman and I regret not being tough enough to stick by the principles I was raised with.

And so I stand amazed by the courage it must take for many good men and women to repeat time and time again to friends, and sometimes even family members, that they are choosing not to have sex until marriage and that they have no wish to 'test the waters' or work out if they and their fiance are 'compatible'. How belittling for them to have their chaste relationship paraded in front of others as though it warranted a 20 page inquiry document and Discovery channel documentary as a way of 'explanation'.

They are questioned, challenged, ridiculed and sometimes they endure harsh criticism and social ostracism. But they stand fast, hold onto their principles and refuse to let the waves knock them back.

They are true heroes of Christian culture. And to them, I'd like to say a big thank you. For being true to themselves. For being true to their God. And for being so many things that I never was.

Onward Christian Soldiers.

Her Journey

2010-06-28T22:45:00.002+01:00

It's been a long time since I've visited The Vineyard. It's been difficult to know what to write about. Life seems to be moving at an exhausting rate. I can hardly keep up. I used to think as a little girl that having a family of my own would be the culmination of my achievements, I somehow thought life would pause. There would be no more journey, I had arrived at my destination.

I find that this is untrue in so many ways. My journey started long ago and it hasn't finished yet, but my daughter's journey is only just beginning. And I find the choices, options and decisions that I need to make on her behalf baffling at times.

Questions about where to live, what lifestyle to implement and how to best educate her are all raging at the present.

I realise acutely how lucky I am to have been granted the opportunity to make such choices.

But with any privilege comes responsibility. Few are greater than the responsibility of a parent to a child.

I'm banking on all the answers I need coming to me when I need them, at the right time.

Until then, I'll keep plodding on with a lot of hope, a lot of prayers and a lot of reading!

"Begin to weave and God will give you the thread".

German Proverb

No IQ

2010-06-15T21:45:00.002+01:00

I've been feeling thoroughly stuck for a blog post subject for a while now. I have seemingly endless draft copies of silly little bits and pieces and not one seems worthy of being published! If I were to dare call myself a writer (which I won't...it's too big an insult to writers) then I would say I have the infamous writer's block. So until my mind returns, I'll settle for this lovely quote.

I have found, in my limited experience, that it is most true.

"One learns through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect".

Mark Twain

Nursing Is Natural

2010-06-04T19:30:00.006+01:00

Breastfeeding is one of the most hotly and passionately debated subjects within parental circles today. It has widely been adopted within the UK as a symbol for switched-on, intelligent and I'm sorry to say, rather middle class parenting.

I have heard and read countless stories of women who have felt an almost tangible feeling of guilt and inadequacy at being unable to breastfeed, or being unable to continue breastfeeding for more than a few weeks.

But the plain fact of the matter is that breastfeeding is not the domain of only the well off and well educated. At it's heart, breastfeeding is just a simple biological function, designed to keep babies free from disease in their first few vulnerable months and to help them thrive.

That doesn't mean it is always easy however and for some mothers, the difficulty of breastfeeding can outweigh the health benefits.

I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and although I don't have any plans to give up any time soon, I have struggled with my baby's slow weight gain, thrush and at times a low supply.

The benefits of breastfeeding however, are numerous and wide reaching. It protects against some childhood cancers, obesity, diabetes, general viruses and infections and there are even studies that demonstrate a link between extended breastfeeding beyond 1 year and intelligence levels. It would take a very strong and determined woman to decide that despite all the health benefits, she didn't even want to give it a go.

And yet, there are many such women who for various reasons decide that breastfeeding is something they simply do not wish to do, nor even to try.

I have had numerous conversations and debates with different people on the subject and I have come to realise that alot of the emphasis on breastfeeding; the technique of it, the biology of it, could be what puts so many people off. There are websites, books and classes too numerous to list, all designed to teach people how to breastfeed and to support women in doing it. This of course is a good thing. But there are no support groups teaching women how to mix up a bottle of formula.

I think this can often give the impression that breastfeeding is somehow the preserve of a certain type of women, one who is able through time and money to learn how to do it prior to giving birth. Rarely it is spoken of as just a natural biological function that naturally follows the birthing process.

De-mystifying it could well motivate many more women into giving it a go. I did some preparation for breastfeeding whilst I was pregnant. I bought a book and looked at some websites, but in my pre-baby state so much of it sounded alien to me. Latching on. Positioning. Let-down reflex. I couldn't possibly imagine myself doing it for the very simple reason that I had never tried. What I found after my daughter was born and began to feed was that breastfeeding really does just come naturally...it is just instinct. It helps of course to have support, it helps to know a few tricks. But when all is said and done, mothers and babies are more capable than they know of establishing a nursing relationship and sustaining it by just relying on their instincts and their strong emotional connection.

Breastfeeding is not necessarily easy and I know, as do many women, that at times it is battle to continue, especially during those first few frenzied months of a baby's life. But it is eminently worth it. And it is very do-able for the majority of women.

My motto is: breastfeeding is just like being pregnant and giving birth. It may be painful at times, it may not be easy. But ultimately a woman's body and her baby know just what to do.

9 Months Later...

2010-06-03T21:05:00.007+01:00

My daughter turned 9 months old yesterday. This feels like a milestone in alot of ways. She is growing at such a rate now, she is virtually crawling and the sounds and noises she makes are seeming more adult by the day.

It has caused me to sit back and reflect a little on what has been the most wonderful, and challenging time of my life.

It seems like a life time ago that I sat watching two little pink lines appear on a home pregnancy test. That moment changed my life. And I knew it. No longer was I just myself...I was now responsible in every way for another separate, unique individual. That knowledge has a very sobering effect on a person.

And certainly since my daughter was born at 6 minutes to 6 on September the 2nd 2009, that sobering responsibility has loomed ever larger in my mind.

I have had to discipline myself in so many ways and forget so much of what I used to consider essential to a happy life. Sleep for one! I haven't had an un-interrupted night's sleep in nearly a year! Nor do I have the kind of 'me' time that I used to. My daughter may be able to sit up, feed herself and reach out for her favourite toy, but it is still me that must place her on her playmat, cook her meals and get her toys out of their box. No mother needs to be reminded that mothering is a 24 hour, round the clock job. That her practical, physical needs will lessen over time I have no doubt. But I can never see a time when I will feel any less responsible for her; for her happiness, her safety and her character.

I am incredibly grateful for the enormous blessing that is a child. She has changed my life in every way for the better and I am a wiser and hopefully less selfish woman for having her for my daughter.

So Happy 9 Month Birthday Martha!

With Love, From Mummy xxx

You Know He's 'The One' When...

2010-05-31T20:26:00.003+01:00

He doesn't pretend to understand, but he does always listen.
A trip to shops rarely occurs without him buying you a little treat.
He tells you you look lovely, even when you're wearing a raggy old t-shirt covered in baby sick.
He gently reminds you that for all solutions, there is probably one answer: prayer.
He works hard, every day, to make your life comfortable and just that bit easier. And he doesn't even ask for a thank you.

This is for my Mr. Right...my best friend and life-long companion.

Looking Upwards

2010-05-26T20:38:00.003+01:00

"The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing birds has come".
Song of Solomon 2:12

An Old Friend

2010-05-25T14:27:00.006+01:00

I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately. It's been a funny old month, May. I've had a few knocks and scrapes and I'm feeling a little worse for wear as a consequence.

And it seems that my blog has suffered a little as a result...not too much posting going on this month!

But that's ok. I wanted it to be a little sanctuary, free from pressure and constraint. I wanted to have a positive space to write down my thoughts and feelings and focus on the happy, good things in life.

This is especially important to do when life takes a less than pleasant turn.

So in this post, I want to return to that old friend of mine, the poem. A friend who has a thought or a verse for any occasion.

The following is a poem I stumbled across quite by accident some years ago in a bookshop. I opened the book and out leapt this beautiful verse.

A lovely poem for a lovely sunny day.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

Fun In The Sun

2010-05-23T19:01:00.005+01:00

Hands up, who loves summer! I certainly do. The UK seems to have been hit by a heatwave today and we're set for a scorching hot summer.

Perfect picnic weather! So today Hubby, Martha and I packed a lunch and popped over the road to our local park for an afternoon picnic.

It was really lovely...the lush green trees, the butterflies and bumble bees buzzing about and the splendid look on Martha's face as she realised that yes, she had a whole sandwich all to herself!

I hope everyone has had as lovely a Sunday as we did.

Happy Summer!!

Counting Apples

2010-05-15T21:19:00.001+01:00

'Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed'.

Robert H. Schuller

Because We're All Worth It

2010-05-14T10:24:00.000+01:00

A friend of mine who has just recently had her first baby asked me a question the other day. One that I didn't have an immediate answer for. I'm used to responding to her queries about breastfeeding, baby sleep patterns, techniques for soothing and so on. But this one caught me a bit off guard.

She wanted to know how I slot in time each day to attend to my appearance. As most new mothers can attest, finding even 10 minutes in which to have a quick shower can be a challenge. Trying to look attractive on top of that is even harder.

But her question reminded me that this is actually really important. Not only for ourselves, as women, but also for our husbands and marriages.

Certainly when Hubby first met me, I had plenty of time to make myself look presentable. I wore nice, smart, pretty clothes. I did my hair. I carefully applied my make up each day. I exercised regularly and tried to watch my weight (I'm not naturally predisposed to being slim..it takes me some effort to stay at a normal weight) I wore high heels and overall, I took care of myself.

Fast forward to now and well, things are a bit different. I have a young baby. I no longer have time to spend each day carefully grooming myself. Fancy clothes and high heels are definitely out of the question and make up is not an every day thing anymore. My body is different after childbirth. I am still trying to shift the last of my baby weight as I have had to adapt to a whole new exercise regime (I've devised my own little routine to do with Martha while she is in her baby sling. She LOVES it!). Breastfeeding has meant that my proportions are now different. I am larger in some places, more muscular in others. I have stretch-marks where previously there were none and although I wear my pre-baby clothes they don't fit quite as well as they used to.

But I've realised that I still do try to look nice. For me and for Hubby. But looking nice these days has taken on a different meaning. I will never look exactly as I did 2 years ago. And I'm alright with that. So now, I try to focus more on simply looking presentable, neat and clean.

I have a 'housewife uniform'. A series of floral or patterned skirts that I wear with plain t-shirts. I rotate these, keeping one clean 'uniform' at all times. It doesn't matter if they get dirty (which they will!) as they are not expensive, they are not 'for best' and I always have another to change into. Very handy for when the baby has thrown half her dinner over my shoulder and Hubby is due home in 10 minutes!

I prioritise the 10 minutes that it takes to jump in the shower each day and have a good wash. This might mean that Martha has to sit in her chair or in her basket with little to see or do. She might even cry a little. But I consider this is a necessary evil. Baby does always come first. But Mum shouldn't be entirely forgotten about either.

My hair is long thick and wavy. It needs a certain level of looking after or it is a mess. So each day after my shower I give it a quick brush and then put it in pigtails or a side-plait. Occasionally I wear a headscarf which works wonders for keeping it under control. This is ideal now that Martha has reached that hair-pulling stage!

In the 10 minutes before Hubby is due home, I brush my teeth again, wash my hands and face, re-do my hair if necessary, change my t-shirt is necessary and apply just a little touch of concealer and mascara if I have time. I spritz myself with some perfume or I apply some scented moisturiser.

So by the time he comes through the door at night, I am clean, neat and hopefully looking a little refreshed!

All in all, it only takes about 20 minutes throughout the day. Hardly a major imposition on my time. But it fulfils a few vital roles. Firstly, it sends a message to Hubby that although we are firmly settled into family life, I still wish for him to see me as attractive. There is a temptation for women to begin to see themselves as 'only' mothers once they have a baby. This can have a really negative impact on a marriage. The role of wife should always come first. And part of that role is making an effort with our appearance. It is a very un-PC thing to say, but I really think it is true. After all, how many women would still find their husbands just as attractive if they suddenly gained 50lbs and stopped showering every day?

And secondly, it really does make an impact on how I see myself. I may spend my days doing housework with a baby strapped to me, but that doesn't mean I have lost all sense of who I am as an individual. It doesn't mean that suddenly I don't matter any more or that my value has decreased. Taking those 20 minutes a day is a reminder that it is important that I take care of myself. And it is about a lot more than just looking pretty. Eating well, exercising and relaxing, taking the time to look presentable and attractive...those things all come under the same umbrella in my book. They are all vital ingredients of a happy, healthy life. And us mothers need to be happy and healthy. For our babies...for our families. They depend on us.

So I advised my friend to do whatever it takes to get those few precious moments during the day to spruce herself up. Her partner needs it. Her baby needs it. She needs it.

P.S

2010-05-12T16:30:00.003+01:00

A word about comments. For the lovely people who commented on my post 'Gratitude' (thank you!) I did publish your remarks but for some unfathomable reason the number of comments displayed just beneath the post has not changed from 0. It says '0 comments' but in fact, if you click on the comments window, the comments are indeed there. As I said, I have no idea why this is...I.T and I never did mix that well!

:-)

A New Era

2010-05-12T16:15:00.005+01:00

The last week has seen a monumental shift in British politics and, as a result, British society overall.

A new Conservative-Liberal coalition has been formed, one based on the principles of 'fairness, freedom and responsibility'. It's not come as welcome to all however. Large sways of the political parties as well as the general population feel uneasy about this new step. The last coalition government was formed 65 years ago, during war-time. How it will work in this day and age remains to be seen.

Still, I am hugely optimistic about the way the Conservatives and Liberals have vowed to put aside party differences and embrace 'a new politics' in the national interest.

I can't wait to see what Cameron and Clegg will do first and I deeply hope they live up to the expectations and aspirations of the British people. This country is in desperate need of reform. Not only in our politics but also in our homes, our education system, our financial system and just about everywhere else! 'Fairness, freedom and responsibility' have been missing for too long. It's time for a revival.

Bring On The Coalition!

Gratitude

2010-05-10T22:13:00.003+01:00

It's been an amazingly busy few weeks here! Various trips to visit family and friends, birthday parties, Christenings...there has been much celebration and cause to be glad.

This has also been a period of worry in some respects. A time for reviewing what is really important in life.

I frequently look back on my mistakes of the past and lament my poor choices. Motherhood has increased ten-fold my regrets and my resolve to live a better life. After all, I hope to do everything in my power to help my daughter avoid making the mistakes I have made.

And gratitude is a wonderful gift that really enables a person to remember that no matter how much they have sinned, they are also blessed.

Today I'm saying a prayer of gratitude for my wonderful family. For my daughter. My husband. My mother. My father. My sisters. My friends.

I hope to write a longer, more interesting post when time allows. For now, I just want to put this prayer out there into the world. I hope and believe He will hear me.

Thank you, Lord Jesus Christ, for all the benefits and blessings which you have given me, for all the pains and insults which you have borne for me. Merciful Friend, Brother and Redeemer, may I know you more clearly, love you more dearly, and follow you more nearly, day by day.

Saint Richard of Chichester

Perfect

2010-04-27T10:31:00.002+01:00

"A man who was completely innocent, offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act".

Mahatma Gandhi

Plan Bee

2010-04-23T16:58:00.005+01:00

I'm not really an eco-warrior type. I'm too lazy if truth be told. But I am somewhat of an eco-worrier. I get rattled by reports and news stories about depleting fish populations and the devastating impact climate change is having on the beautiful polar bear.

But these kinds of reports can often feel very far from home and they rarely spur me to actually do something...again, pure laziness on my part.

But occasionally, I stumble across a story that brings it all home and forces me to take action, however small. Sarah Brown (the PM's wife) did a fantastic piece in The Guardian the other week about the humble British bee and the trouble it is facing as a result of the migration to England of foreign, aggressive species of bee. The much gentler native British bee is dying out, or at least it will if nothing is done to help it.

There have been a few campaigns mounted already ('Plan Bee' being one of them...I just love that name!) but it's possible for even the laziest eco-worrier to get involved too. Simply by planting a few types of herbs and plants that our little bee friend likes to spend sunny afternoons with.

So last week that is what I did, thanks to a trip down the road to our local garden shop.

Parsley, thyme, basil mint, oregano, african daisies...I got a whole range of things which are currently languishing in plastic pots and old metal tins on our kitchen windowsill and patio until I can get them re-potted.

I've already spotted a few friendly buzzing creatures hovvering around them, even though they're not in flower...here's hoping they keep on coming!

Help Save Bees

Plan Bee

'Our' Poem

2010-04-21T22:47:00.004+01:00

I want to try avoiding sounding pretentious or smug when I say this, but poetry has been and still is incredibly important to me. I have read it in times of great sadness and stress and I have also turned to it to help me express some of my happiest moments.

Although I have previously studied it from a purely academic view, I prefer now to simply to read it, think about it and engage with it. I don't analyse structure or context. I try only to enjoy it for the message it conveys.

The poem below is one of my all time favourites and it is really special to me. Lots of couples have a special song or movie that they consider 'theirs'. Hubby and I have a poem. This is it:

First Love

I ne'er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet,
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.
My face turned pale as deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked, what could I ail?
My life and all seemed turned to clay.

And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away,
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.
I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start --
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.

Are flowers the winter's choice?
Is love's bed always snow?
She seemed to hear my silent voice,
Not love's appeals to know.
I never saw so sweet a face
As that I stood before.
My heart has left its dwelling-place
And can return no more.

John Clare (1793 - 1864)

Living Small: It's A Blessing

2010-04-19T20:52:00.004+01:00

I've thought for a while about writing about our house. Not because I think it's a terribly exciting, stylish or interesting house (it isn't) but simply because it's a good exercise in contentment. One of my least appealing traits is a tendency to always want to move on to the next thing; be that the next book, the next pregnancy or the next house. I struggle to just stay still, enjoy life as it is and wait patiently for events to unfold naturally.

This can have a negative impact on those around me. The times when I've pestered Hubby with questions about moving house and decorating are the times when our relationship has been strained. He takes it personally, which is understandable. By focusing my attention on 'upgrading', I am basically telling him that I am dissatisfied with what I've got and I don't appreciate the hard work it took him to build the life we have now. Ingratitude is an ugly thing...and a sin.

So I am resolved once and for all to put aside all of that selfishness and really celebrate the little home we live in and the life it gives us.

And indeed, living in small house does bring with it a great quality of life. In fact, for a stay at home mother (or wife) a small house is an absolute God-given gift! Just think about it...

1. Housework. It's pretty obvious I suppose, but with a smaller house comes less cleaning, tidying and housework which means in turn more time to devote to our families, friends, hobbies and relaxation or quiet prayer time. And who could say that is a bad thing?

2. Consumerism. This can be seen one of two ways, but I've decided that for me, this is definitely a blessing. Less room has to mean less stuff. If all you have in the way of storage is a tiny cupboard under the stairs then you have to think carefully before making any big home purchases. Everything has to have a designated place. The up-shot of this is there is less to organise and less to tidy up. Which again, means more time for the things that really matter in life...

3. Creativity. Working out how to store all your kitchen appliances when you've got a kitchen that measures 40 square foot is a challenge but it forces you to think outside the box and come up with original and creative solutions. These in turn become the stamps of individuality that add life and interest to a home. After all, no one wants to live in a cookie-cutter house...

4. Money. Perhaps the biggest blessing that comes from living in a small house is the financial benefit. It takes less money to heat and air-condition a small house, mortgage or rental payments are inevitably less and less space means less to furnish. The potential savings are quite significant. A small house enables families to live more within their means which provides an enormous boost to quality of life and overall happiness. Study after study has shown that once people have enough money to clothe and feed themselves adequately as well as keep a roof over their heads without worrying about the where the next pay-cheque is coming from, there is no more happiness to be gained from having more money.

There may well be more positives that I just haven't thought of. Certainly when I began to really think about all the benefits of living in a small space, I realised that there were more than I first thought.

But the overall result of all of them is the same. Living Small can bring about a much greater quality of life. If paying the bills can be achieved without too much worry and strain and housework done with time to spare, then the stay at home wife and mother has that much more time to pursue her interests or just be with her family. I don't want to pretend that there aren't challenges; of course there are, in any living situation. And I know for lots of people, affording even a really small house can be a difficulty in this economic climate, but
right now, in this moment, I want to focus on the real pleasures and blessings that a small house can bring to the lives of those that live in it. I am lucky enough to be one of those people. And I thank God for that gift.

"Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises".
Psalm 47:6

Living Small

2010-04-14T15:53:00.009+01:00

It's nice to have friends in high places. But it's nicer to have friends in small places.

We are a family of 3 people and 1 cat and we live in a 2 bed 370sq. ft. home. Whilst I was pregnant, we had assumed that we would move as soon as we possibly could, thinking as we did that there was no real way we could raise a family in a house as small as ours. I lamented the lack of garden space, the steep stairs and narrow door frames.

But 7 months after our daughter's birth we are still here and not only that, but we are actually enjoying the challenges and blessings of 'living small'. It encourages us to de-clutter, get rid of things we don't need or use and to make do. A life with less material things means life can be filled with the things that actually matter; loving other people. And I have no qualms about adding another member to our family while we're here...in fact, I think it could be really fun.

That said, if Hubby walked in the room right now and told me that we were moving to a smaller place, I'd probably be reluctant, to put it mildly. I have the desire to live radically, but I'm just too much of a wimp when it comes to actually doing it. The spirit is willing...but this flesh is really weak.

But through some good friends of ours, I am able to glimpse a life altogether more small and radical than any I could envisage for myself. Hubby's best childhood friend and best friend to this day moved to Japan in his 20's. He loved the culture and having a knack for languages he decided to teach English as a foreign language over there. He met a woman, they fell in love and they married. A few years later came their first baby, an adorable little girl.

Prior to marrying they had rented a tiny apartment in one of the major Japanese cities. It consisted of a kitchenette, a shower room, and a main room divided by a sliding partition wall which was used for eating, socialising and sleeping. All in all, they had about 150sq. ft. at their disposable. Oh, and a tiny little balcony to keep a few potted plants on. When they discovered they were expecting their daughter, many Western friends and family naturally assumed they would move somewhere bigger. They were wrong. They stayed in their same apartment after the birth of their baby, embracing the Japanese tradition of co-sleeping with their baby on little tatami mats. Never mind a cot, they didn't have so much as a bed. Radical stuff to your average Westerner, sleeping in his double king-size four poster bed.

I often find myself thinking about them, wondering if they experience the kind of discontent with their surroundings that I can sometimes find myself selfishly harboring. But something tells me they don't bother with such nonsense. When they visited our home for the first time, back when Hubby lived here alone, his friend's wife was astonished at the amount of space...all these rooms, for only 1 person! Far from believing herself to be missing out, she expressed disbelief that anyone could really need and use a house this size.

This is such an inspiring attitude. And whilst our Japanese friend has the benefit of her cultural background affirming her views, it's not impossible for a Westerner to adopt a similar attitude, even in a culture which prizes materialism above pretty much everything else.

So I'm going to set myself a little blogging challenge. I want to write about our little house, about what it means to 'live small'; the difficulties, the benefits and what can be gained from it. We are committed to staying in our home until the right time to move, possibly even until we can pay off what's left of the mortgage. And so I'm determined to treat this place like my dream home and build the life we so want, one day at a time.

This online diary is the perfect place to catalogue this journey and to really delight in building a home that serves us as a family. Living Small is the way to go.

I can't wait to start!

Labour Pains

2010-04-13T22:01:00.002+01:00

I have a chronic case of hindsight-itus. I daily recount to myself lists of things I would do differently were I ever to find myself in a familiar situation.

Childbirth is right up there at the top of my list. My first and so far only pregnancy (though I can't wait for number 2!) went swimmingly well, all things considered. The morning sickness was pretty chronic but once I hit 21 weeks it was all but over and Baby and I were really very healthy indeed. No varicose veins, no serious odema, no digestive problems...none of the usual maladies that pregnant women often face.

Very early on I had looked into the possibility of a home-birth and my obstetrician had agreed that provided all continued to go well, there was no reason I shouldn't have one. But as the pregnancy progressed and reached it's final few months, I changed my mind. I wanted the assurance of doctors and nurses around me. I wanted to know that if anything did go wrong and my baby was unwell, there would be no waiting for an ambulance and we could be attended to immediately. And although it's very unfashionable to say so, I am thoroughly thankful I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital.

Labour was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Sometime in the week between my last check up with the midwife and the start of labour, Martha had shifted position and she had her back facing mine. She was a posterior baby. The subsequent backache that ensued during the labour was so extreme and so constant that I don't even remember having contractions. The pain did not subside, even for a minute. I lasted for about 14 hours before I was given an epidural, at my own request. The pain was numbed, but the exhaustion went on. My memories of what happened in the final few hours are few and far between. I remember being told to push...so I did. I remember that happening only three times. Hubby informs me that I pushed for about 90 minutes in total and that my pushing was effective. Next I remember a woman, a doctor, asking me what I wanted her to do. I told her I just wanted it to be over. Hubby has since told me that in fact, there was a team of doctors who had been called by the midwife who was concerned by my escalating blood pressure. They discussed what they should do for about 10 minutes before finally, this woman stepped in and informed the others that she was 'going to deliver this baby right now'.

Finally, I remember her standing at the foot of the bed, there was a table next to her, there were some metal instruments on it. She told me I would need to push one final time. I did. And with that Martha was born...and I walked out of the birthing room with stitches and a bruised baby.

All in all, the whole thing lasted a not unreasonable 24 hours...of which I remember probably half an hour.

And like I said, I am thoroughly glad I chose the hospital route for my first birth. The experience was grim, for sure, but I strongly doubt I would have coped at home.

But next time, I want to do things differently. I made no detailed birth plan for Martha. I had no idea what I was up against. I decided going with the flow was the best policy. I read about labour but I deliberately chose to limit my reading to the physicalities of birth. The philosophies and politics surrounding it I largely ignored. But for my next baby, I feel ready to think more about the labour experience in a philosophical way, I want to arm myself with mental and physical strategies to cope with the pain. Now I know what I'm facing, I feel I can tackle it head on and really be mentally prepared.

And so I'm starting with a book called Childbirth Without Fear which is co-authored by Michel Odent and Grantly Dick-Read. I've heard good things about it and it seems Michel Odent is something of an expert on the subject...fingers crossed it lives up to the hype! There is a whole raft of literature on this subject, this book is just one of many. I have alot of reading ahead of me and a fair bit of thinking too. And since I do not know when I might become pregnant (Hubby and I are not 'planning' or 'spacing') or indeed if I even will, this journey could be a long one.

I realise as I am reaching the end of this post that there is no 'point' to it. I usually try (try being the operative word!) to wrap up my posts with a conclusion of some sort. But for this post, I'm a bit stuck really. Perhaps this is a good thing though. Labour and childbirth aren't the sorts of experience that can be wrapped up nicely in the mind and put away until next time. At least, not for me. For better or worse, my first birth experience changed me quite radically and it will no doubt inform my views on any and all subsequent labours. And I'm nowhere even close to getting 'closure' on the subject.

So I'll end this post as I do alot, with a quotation from Someone who knows just what to say and how to say it.

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness".
Isaiah 41:10

The Domestic Church

2010-04-12T15:50:00.005+01:00

"As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live".

Pope John Paul II

Spring Saturday

2010-04-10T14:02:00.006+01:00

I am full of the joys of Spring this week, as anyone who has been reading my blog or hearing me drone on can confirm (poor Hubby, he's heard about little else all week...).

But there is one thing I enjoy even more than a beautiful, sunny Spring day and that is a beautiful, sunny Spring Saturday! Yes, indeed. The weekend is here at last, we can kick off our shoes, forget our woes and head outdoors for some rest and relaxation.

And it's been a bit of an exciting Saturday for us here in our little corner of England for it is the first 'al fresco' lunch of the year and the first ever 'al fresco' lunch for Martha. I love to sit outside on a day like today, sipping tea and listening to the birds...with the occasional noisy car driving by (we are in a city after all!).

And when the weather turns really nice, I love nothing more than to throw a bright tablecloth over our patio table and plan a pleasant, summery lunch for us to enjoy in the sunshine.

Which is just what I did today, with these pretty daffodils keeping us company.......bliss........

Wishing everyone a happy, warm, sunny Saturday!

Martha's First Spring

2010-04-09T15:13:00.010+01:00

Spring is my absolute favourite time of the year. The colours, the sunshine...I find it quite magical. And this Spring is particularly welcome, after such a long, hard winter.

It is also Martha's first Spring and I'm really keen to demonstrate to her just how beautiful this season is.

And so our little garden is already becoming packed with various kinds of flowers, shrubs and plants. But this year I have tried to bring a bit more of the season indoors as well.

A trip today to our local florist has provided our mantelpiece with the most beautiful dashes of Spring-time colour.

A perfect way to start the season.

And a perfect display to celebrate Martha's first Spring.

Home Sweet Home

2010-04-08T14:35:00.004+01:00

Today is our second day back at home after our Easter weekend away. And what a weekend! We're still recovering from so much travelling, rich food and excitement. We're tired, sleepy and dopey. Sounds like a run down of Snow White's Dwarfs...

But that said, it is nice to be back home, especially now that Spring has really arrived and the place looks so green and colourful.

This afternoon I decided to relax and enjoy being in my own space again by getting out my sewing machine and trying my hand at a little something: a tea-towel. Nothing exciting. But it worked out well and the fabric is just perfect for Spring. It definitely looks at home in our sunny kitchen.

It's been a Happy Easter season indeed!

What A Flapper

2010-03-31T12:48:00.007+01:00

I normally really dislike the 'day before travelling'. We're due to go to my folks for Easter and today is the final day before we make the long journey up to their farm.

Normally, I get into a flap the day before, worrying about whether we've packed enough clothes for the baby and trying to make enough food to last the journey so we won't have to buy horrid service station sandwiches. I usually find myself doing endless rounds of laundry in the week leading up to Travel Day...telling myself that it is probably is a good idea to wash every single pair of socks and underwear, just in case 'something comes up' and we need to take it all.

Of, and of course we will want to come home to fresh, clean bedding and towels, so that'll all have to go in the the wash as well.

Yes indeed, I am not happy to leave my home until floors are washed, toilets are bleached and scrubbed and everything is dusted and shined. I think I'm being organised. Hubby thinks I'm nuts.

But today, I've decided to take Hubby's advice and chill out. He has gently reminded* me on many an occasion that taking it upon myself to spring clean the whole house simply because we're going away for a weekend is hardly a very Christian thing to do, since it only leaves me tired and irritable. Point taken. So today I have only been doing the necessary...with great results!

I've been a kitchen dweller this morning, baking some goodies to take for family and cooking up a soup for lunch with all the ingredients from the fridge that need to be gone by the time we get back. And it makes for quite a pleasant scene. I love a hour or two spent in the kitchen on a sunny day like today, glancing at the flowering lavender just outside the kitchen window.

It reminded me of a really lovely Scriptural quote from Job 37:14:

"Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God".

Life is so much better in slower motion...God says so!

So here's to another beautiful Spring day! Courtesy of Our Friend...

Hubby doesn't really do 'gentle' so this admonishment tends to lean towards something like; "Calm down, you're getting yourself in a flap...it's only a cake after all". Usually accompanied by a much wanted hug...he is the best.

Spring Into Action

2010-03-30T20:24:00.006+01:00

March has been a busy month it seems, looking at the number of times I've posted on 'The Vineyard'.

And it's set to get busier still as Hubby, Martha and I career our way up to the north of England to spend the Easter season with family. I can't wait.

It's hard for me to believe that Easter is nearly here...Lent is nearly over...Spring really has arrived (just about!).

I'm delighted though because for me, this is the best time of year. Easter brings with it so much celebration, hope, renewal and inspiration. Flowers bloom, the trees become green...nature itself seems to celebrate the beauty of the Resurrection. Everything seems re-born.

It's also the perfect season to start afresh, make plans and approach life with new vigour and motivation.

Since I will be spending another summer here in our little patch of land, I have big plans for our currently unfinished garden...I'm envisioning rows of potted plants, a little vegetable patch, a finished fence (glances tentatively at Hubby...;-) and a pretty wrought iron gate. Once the warmer weather is here to stay I intend to start!

Life can't get any better than this. God is really, very good indeed.

What's The Alternative?

2010-03-28T14:57:00.023+01:00

Hubby and I are somewhat obsessed with 'alternative lifestyles'. By that, I'm not referring to the weird stuff, y'know, polygamous marriage or making a living by growing and selling cannabis. Nothing like that.

What I mean is we're interested in people who eschew the so called usual way of doing things and seek alternatives that focus on producing a better quality of life. This almost invariably means cultivating a sense of contentment with the simpler things in life and making a concious choice not to be a slave to money and consumerism. We've tried to adopt this own culture within our family, feeling as we do that our daughter and future children will probably benefit, spiritually and emotionally.

I'm not saying we always manage this however. Me? I have an unhealthy penchant for 'pretty things', retro kitchenware, coffee table books, expensive food and the such. And my new financial status as a stay at home mother does not lend itself to this. I sometimes forget that I can no longer just go to London for the day at a moment's notice or have a lunchtime splurge in a quirky home-wares store. I'm on a steep learning curve.

Hubby on the other hand, struggles with reconciling his serious dislike for cynical capitalism and his desire to make enough money so that he need not work 12 plus hours a day in a stressful job. He's been there, done that and got the t-shirt.

What we both hope to achieve is a family life where family really does come before jobs and money. We want to find the balance between giving our children the necessary things in life and striving for more simply to fulfil our own selfish ambitions.

Nowhere is this emotional battleground more prolific than in our home...we're a family or 3 (4 if you count the cat) living in a small 2 bed mid-terrace. Hubby bought this house for himself about 6 years ago, as a young single man enjoying the freedoms of his then bachelor life. And for a single guy, this place is perfect. It's really close to the city centre, within walking distance of work and all the shops and night-life. There was ample room for everything he wanted and needed plus enough space for guests to stay over in the spare bedroom. He bought it as an empty shell of a house and slowly worked on it, eventually producing a perfect bachelor pad. Think minimalist furniture, lots of chrome and dark wood. He held parties here, got to know his neighbours and spent many happy Saturday evenings holed up on the couch with a bottle of red listening to Bob Harris on Radio 2.

I'm proud of Hubby for many reasons, but working flat out and saving every last penny so that he could buy his own home and build a nest egg for his future is something really special I think. And as a result, this house is, rightly, very important to him.

Me, on the other hand, well I came into a much loved and completely 'finished' house that had a very specific look and lay-out. Which is a little unfortunate really, since my own collection of objects leans rather dramatically towards the quirky and colourful. I love bright tea-pots and floral cake tins...tea-towels are much better when shaded in candy colours and nothing in this world can beat a big vase of fresh flowers.

Because of this clash of tastes, we have both on many occasions had to make compromises and sacrifice things we love to keep the place looking relatively neat and orderly.

But no matter how much stuff we get rid of, this place is a real squeeze for 2 adults, 1 baby and a feline friend. Or at least it feels that way to me at times...

We have been discussing moving since last year. And as the months tick by, I am getting more and more antsy to do it. Patience is not my strong point. Hubby though, ever cool, calm and collected is adamant that we will wait until conditions are just right. No hasty decisions, NO risky business. He is of course, completely right and at the last count, we might be in a new house by the end of the summer...subject to conditions!

So I am looking at a good few more months in our little home...and it is here that I really need reminding about what it is I am really striving for in life. This is where my interest and my high regard for those maverick, 'alternative lifestyle' folks comes in very handy.

I know, deep down, that bigger houses and pretty things don't actually make people happier. They just make life more convenient sometimes. Life is what you make it and a positive attitude is all that is needed to foster a spirit of contentment and cheerfulness. Galatians 5:22 in the NT speaks so beautifully about the fruits of the Holy Spirit...and of course joy and peace are amongst them. Contentment isn't just a way of life. It is God's will for our lives.

Luckily for me, blog-land is absolutely bursting with folks who have mastered the art of appreciation and live really full, happy, productive, Spirit-filled lives in situations that would turn alot of people into miserable, hard-done-bys. In fact, some of these folks seek out living conditions that challenge them to find contentment and fulfilment in the simple things.

And in my view, this family have absolutely cracked it. They are a Christian family of 4, who having sold their comfortable 3 bedroom home, rented a tiny 1 bed flat before deciding to radically down-size and travel around for a year in an RV. Did I mention that they just had their second baby?

Contentment absolutely abounds in the writings of this woman! Her life is a huge inspiration to me to quit whinging, stop looking ahead to 'the next step' and start appreciating how immensely lucky I am to have a comfortable, warm, safe house in which to raise my daughter.

I too, want to be filled with the fruits of the Spirit.

http://walkslowlylivewildly.com/

'But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control'. Galatians 5:22

Keeping The Peace

2010-03-25T16:10:00.010Z

My daughter is now nearly 7 months old and I am already looking forward to having our next baby (but no...it hasn't happened yet!).

Before Martha was born, even while I was pregnant in fact, I found it hard to imagine life with a baby. I had never so much as held a newborn, let alone cared for one. Being with a baby (and not just any baby, but my baby) for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week seemed really quite incredible.

Now that I have grown accustomed to my new life as a mother, I'm excited about the prospect of our little girl becoming a big sister.

I'm not naive though. I'm aware that more children equals more work. And since Martha is...how shall I say...high maintenance, I've probably got my work cut out for me.

Life with a baby is never easy and indeed I have found in some ways that I have to work harder the older Martha gets. She is no longer content just to sit in her baby sling while I do some work or send an email or go for a walk. Now that she's "all grown up" she has opinions about what she wants to see and do and she's not afraid to express them! So instead of having a nap while I rustle up some biscuits in the kitchen or do the hoovering, Martha now makes attempts to get involved, by reaching out to put her hand in the mixing bowl or to grab a picture frame off the mantelpiece. Putting her down in her chair with her toys doesn't help much either. They keep her entertained for about 5 minutes or so, until she tires of them and wants something new. Children are most definitely hedonistic creatures!

So we have had to adapt to a new routine in the last few weeks. Martha now spends a lot of time strapped to my hip in her baby sling, but instead of just following Mummy around all day, she now listens to Mummy singing songs and explaining what activities we're engaged in. At various points during the day, the sling comes off and out come the baby books for a little story time. We've come a long way since those colicky first three months...

And it has occured to me that this is the real "trick" to motherhood...adapting. For if anything is certain (apart from death and taxes) it's that children will change as they grow. What suited one week will inevitably not suit the next. Just when you think you've cracked it, your little bundle of joy changes the goal posts and you find you're playing an entirely different game.

So I've made a promise to myself to just roll with the punches. Take each day as it comes. Getting hung up about a burned cake that couldn't be rescued from the oven in time due to a screaming baby is far more hassle than it is worth.

St. Paul's letter to Titus in the NT is a great encouragement for women who wish to dedicate their talents and lives to motherhood and family life...Titus 2 could even be regarded as the home-makers manual. We all know the admonishments...women are to love their husbands, love their children and be home-makers. But isn't it curious that in amongst what seems like quite a list of "chores", no where does it mention that we have to have perfect houses, or bake perfect cakes or remember to dust that spot on the bookshelf that always gets forgotten? It seems no provision is made for over-achievement...or any practical achievement for that matter. And it makes perfect sense really. For example, I would much rather eat a microwave meal that took 5 minutes to 'cook' with a smiling, happy, cheerful person sitting opposite me, than eat a 5 course, lavish, gourmet meal with a stony-faced, silent 'companion' . What matters to God and to our families is not how many jobs we accomplish on a given day, what matters is our manner and our attitude. A smiling face, a peaceful home and a content family is a far greater end of day result than a spotless house and a tense atmosphere.

This Scriptural 'loophole' is the assurance women today often need to hear. It tells us that it's ok to have more than 2.4 children. We won't need to hire a cleaner or a nanny if we have 6 kids. We won't need to have completed a course in home organisation and baby care if we choose not to space our children.

And it's my belief that where God leads, men usually follow(I'd like to emphasise the usually!). Most men might have some basic expectations of how they want their home to be...they might some stipulations about the meals they eat or how they like their laundry done. But what I'm willing to bet my last penny on is that the vast, vast majority of men would rather be greeted at the door by a smiling happy woman and a slightly messy house than by a spotlessly clean and ordered home and a woman who is so tired and frazzled that she can barely raise a smile, let alone a hug and a kiss.

The myth of the perfect housewife is just that. A myth. It's a popular myth granted...all over the media, we are bombarded with images of women who seem to do it all. They look amazing, they have perfect relationships, their homes are immaculate, their children well behaved. But I stand convinced of the deceit propagated by these portrayals.

True home-making has little to do with baking and sweeping and the such like. It is a state of mind. It is an attitude. It is the motivation to create a place of sanctuary for those we love. It is the intention to make a peaceful haven from the world, where peace and harmony rule.

And in that place, it doesn't matter where you have 1 baby or 14. All that matters is that you aim every day to keep the peace that God offers you.

And to top it all off...He'll even help you to do it.

"Seek peace, and pursue it".
Proverbs 34:14

'And The Days Are Not Full Enough...'

2010-03-23T12:50:00.011Z

"And the days are not full enough
And the nights are not full enough
And life slips by like a field mouse
Never shaking the grass".

The above poem by Ezra Pound seems to sum up the year so far...Martha is growing too fast for me to keep up, Hubby has begun a new phase in his work life. Friends are getting married, having babies...some friends have passed away.

Life really does slip by. You make plans, and then you find God has His own plans in store for you.

We religious types are a lucky bunch though. God is constant and faithful, come rain or shine, through life and through death. His promise to us stands true, no matter what He has planned for us.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid". John 14:27

Today, the sun is shining, the winter is over and a new day has begun. May it bring peace to all who are troubled and all who have lost hope.

For A Friend...

2010-03-22T20:59:00.004Z

"Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality".
Emily Dickinson.

Sugar Rush

2010-03-18T16:30:00.008Z

Since we have relatives arriving tomorrow, I've had a bit of a manic week preparing for this weekend. Baking every day, lots of extra cleaning...it's been a bit tiring to say the least. In my over-ambition, I had even planned to take my cat Ginger to the vets for a de-flea and grooming session, until Hubby pointed out that this just might be a bit O.T.T. (In my defence, he is long-haired and very fond of muddy puddles...the cat that is, not Hubby!)

Still, the last cake is now in the oven and the place is looking ready for guests...which means tomorrow we can finally break out all the sugary treats hidden away in my cake tins!

Including these...an old favourite of mine that have come in really handy since I'm on a no chocolate diet for Lent. I need my sugar fix from time to time and these are just the ticket!

Banana Flapjack Recipe

80g brown sugar
100g butter
275g rolled oats
4 tbsp golden syrup
1 banana, very ripe

1. Over a low heat, melt the butter in a large saucepan.
2. Add the sugar and the golden syrup and stir well.
3. Mix in the oats and stir thoroughly.
4. Mash the banana and add, stirring well until the banana covers all of the mixture.
5. Bake in a pre-heated oven at 220c for about 10 minutes or until the mixture starts to turn golden brown.

Of Babies and Baking

2010-03-15T21:46:00.005Z

Babies and baking don't mix well. And it seems that my baby in particular and baking really don't mix well.

Hubby and I are blessed with what is gently referred to as a 'high-need' baby. She is inquisitive, easily upset, very vocal and unwilling to sit or lie still for longer than a few minutes. She wants to do, see, hear and touch everything. Especially anything that I am doing, watching, listening to or holding. So when she's not being carried in her baby sling, she is dangling from my right hip as I attempt to do all kinds of household jobs one-handed. It makes for many a comical moment!

So it goes without saying that I don't get as much time to bake as I'd like. At the moment I'm lucky if I manage a baking session twice a week. So it is extra, extra nice when a half-hour opportunity presents itself and I'm able to try my hand at something new.

I love to bake bread, but with all the kneading, rising and kneading again, it's really not baby-friendly. So today I tried out a no yeast, almost no kneading recipe that really worked out well...it's amazing how much satisfaction can be gained from virtually zero effort!

This is one recipe I'll definitely be teaching my little girl when she's big enough to stand on a chair and hold a wooden spoon...

Martha's No Yeast Bread Recipe:

600g plain flour
15 fl oz water
1 tbsp sugar
1/2 tbsp baking powder
1/2 tbsp bicarbonate of soda

1. Mix dry ingredients together first in a large mixing bowl and then add the water.
2. Mix well until a dough is formed.
3. When ready, transfer the dough to a well-floured surface and knead for 2 -3 minutes, or until the dough is pliant and non-sticky. Add more flour if needed.
4. Shape into a round, measuring about 1 1/2 inches deep.
5. Bake in a pre-heated oven at 200C/400F for about 40 minutes.

Smile!

2010-03-11T18:34:00.007Z

I seem to have been posting about some gloomy subjects of late! Indeed, I've been reading and thinking a lot about 'heavy' issues these past few weeks, so today I've been trying to focus on the lighter, more cheerful side of life.

And so...

My Top Ten Reasons To Smile Today are:

1. Martha can sit up almost un-aided! This is so useful when I'm doing the laundry as she can sit on the clean clothes in the laundry basket and watch!
2. I got a lovely email from a friend who recently had a baby inviting me to come visit her and stay for a few days.
3. It's Thursday night which means American Idol is on. Hurrah! My money is on Crystal or Alex to win...
4. We're now half-way through Lent; chocolate here I come!
5. Hubby is so excited about a recent development with work that he has been singing "Lord Of The Dance" almost on repeat since he came home. He's the best!
6. Tomorrow is Friday, time for the weekly trip to the library for a good browse and a cuppa.
7. Hubby recounted the funniest story this morning...I would re-tell, but I think one needs to hear it in a Brummie accent to find it really hilarious. But never mind...it's kept me laughing all day. :-)
8. The sun finally came out today, for the first time in days. The whole house has been just bathed in light...so lovely.
9. Next weekend we have relatives visiting, which is the perfect excuse to bake cakes and biscuits and enjoy lots of nattering over a pot of tea. I can't wait!
10. Its not a Wednesday or a Friday which means we can have meat for dinner! Chicken curry is coming up!

Wishing everyone a lovely, happy, smiley evening!

Deluded: An Individual Response To Richard Dawkins

2010-03-09T21:24:00.001Z

'The God Delusion'; an already infamous book that is as loved as it is hated, as revered as it is scorned.

I have just finished reading it. I know, it makes very odd reading material for a Catholic during Lent. But I am not afraid of having my faith challenged and questioned and I am certainly not afraid of Richard Dawkins, who has become a sort of religious bogey man in recent years. Last year I watched the documentary on which this book was based, "The Root of All Evil?" and found that it made little impression on me. Being an extension of this work, I wanted to read the book. Unluckily for Dawkins the book has had about the same effect as the film. That is, virtually none.

It would naturally be entirely fruitless for me to attempt any kind of meaningful defence for the existence of God from a scientific standing. Scientifically Dawkins can out-do the best of them, I wouldn't even know where to begin.

But crucially, after reading The God Delusion, it strikes me that Dawkins doesn't actually care that much whether people believe in God or not. At least, not people like you or I, the average weekly church-goer who gets on with his or her life in relative peace with the rest of society. He outlines in the preface that the book is meant to 'convert', he hopes religious people reading it will come to reject their faith and embrace his upbeat, cheerful "isn't the earth just beautiful" brand of fundamental atheism. But he must be painfully aware that the private thoughts and beliefs of individuals he has never met have nothing to do with him, nor do they affect his life. No, I do not accept that this book is aiming to persuade people to an atheistic mindset, despite what he claims. It's primary motivation in my view is to demonstrate that religious belief is harmful to society and the world at large and that religious belief should have no place in government, education or any institutional operation one could name. His purpose in writing is to eradicate conspicuous religious behaviour, the sort that permits people to baptize their children, or educate them in a faith school. Since it is impossible to believe that he cares a fig for what individuals actually think, feel or do in private (in fact he is at pains to point out that he doesn't care what people get up to in private, although his context for saying as much was a defence for the right of all people to "enjoy their sex life..provided they harm no one") , we can only conclude that what he is actually advocating is the demotion of religion to the status of an underground movement; marginalised and placed on the mere fringes of society. His dominant argument therefore is that any religion harms not just it's believers but other communities and most especially children. Events like that of 9/11 naturally lend themselves extremely well to this argument and the abuse scandals in the Catholic church are of course noted, almost with glee (and certainly with more than a hint of crass humour). He does however 'kindly' point out that it is "unfair to single out the Catholics" since every religion is guilty of indoctrination, intimidation and abuse of it's young in his opinion.

He even goes so far as to say that it is abusive to refer to a child according to the religious persuasion of their parents...there is, he writes, no such thing as a "Christian child" or a "Muslim child" or a "Catholic child", just as there is no such thing as a "Conservative child" or a "Republican child". By that reckoning, he is himself a victim of an abusive childhood, given that he was raised an Anglican.

Indeed, in Dawkin's world there can be no redeeming feature of religious life. Even poor Mother Teresa of Calcutta is branded "hypocritical and sanctimonious" and unworthy of her Nobel Peace Prize after she publicly stated during her acceptance speech that the biggest threat to peace was abortion.* You know of Mother Teresa of course, the same woman who declared that she would adopt, love and look after any and all unwanted children, no matter their race, religion or background. Yes indeed, what a hypocrite...

It would of course be foolhardy for any religious person to attempt to claim that the actions of religious men and women are beyond the pale. There is no counter-argument in the face of the devastation caused by suicide bombings, sexual abuse and centuries of religious wars.

But what Dawkins is calling for, namely the removal of religion from the public life of society is in itself an abuse of the basic human rights of individuals and communities. That no religion has a right to impose it's beliefs and ideals on another sector or community goes without saying. Or at least it should go without saying. But the "solution" as proposed by Dawkins and those of a similarly militant, fundamentalist atheistic persuasion equally strips people of a fundamental right.

Decades of religious oppression in Soviet Russia demonstrate the truth of this, in ugly fashion. Religion was stricken from the history books, churches were destroyed, children were indoctrinated in schools and clergy and lay people alike were murdered, tortured and imprisoned for practising their beliefs. But crucially, despite years of crushing, violent oppression, religious belief was not and could not be eradicated in Russian society. Children were secretly baptized, families secretly prayed together, priests still secretly celebrated Masses for the faithful. And in the aftermath of the collapse of the USSR, religious life resumed publicly with increased zeal and vigour.

Religion, or faith, has been inherent in almost every culture and every society since time immemorial. And not, as Dawkins would have us believe, because man is unable to understand the true nature of the world around him. Science has opened up space and shrunk the earth...we can travel to all corners of the globe and we have left no stone unturned. We have literally been to the moon and back. And after it all, we still believe.

Faith can not be eradicated. Scientific advancement can not extinguish it. Man can not crush it.

Dawkins mission of conversion and universal atheism is doomed to be reconciled to the intellectual scrap heap. Where human life abounds, faith in the divine abounds.

So he's welcome to call me deluded if he wants to. I'll even defend his right to do so. But wishing for a world without faith and trying to make it happen? That's really nuts.

*Dawkins pointedly fails to provide the entire quotation from that speech, which is: "And this (abortion) is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today. Because if a mother can kill her own child - what is left for me to kill you and you kill me - there is nothing between".

PS - Thanks for reminding me about "The Whisperers" Dad!

Thoughts On Home-schooling

2010-03-06T17:43:00.008Z

Home-schooling. I never anticipated that I would ever so much as consider it, let alone harbour a desire to practice it.

But since my daughter was born, just 6 months ago, I have become more and more interested in the ways of the home-schooler and how I might approach this enormous task.

Obviously, it goes without saying that I alone am not making any decision regarding my daughter's education and ultimately the final say will be had by her Daddy.

But Hubby has given me the go ahead to look into it, to research and find out how it is practised in the UK. And so I have, with relish.

A trip to the library has provided me with ample reading material as a starting point and I am already racing through my "beginners" book 'Learning Without School', by Ross Mountney.

The decision to home-school before your child has begun school is presented as a fairly easy one to make. Children who are pulled out of school to be home-schooled are almost always removed due to severe on-going problems the child is experiencing that the school has failed to address. Not so with the pre-schooler. The decision to home-school your pre-school child is almost always a philosophical, moral one.

And this is the very heart of the matter for our family. We are very aware that by choosing never to send our daughter to school, to never even try that "normal" route, we could potentially be subjecting her to a childhood that is set-apart and different. Perhaps painfully so. All for the sake of our philosophies.

And yet, my experiences of state education in this country leave me wishing that I could shelter her from those aspects of school life that I know to be demoralising, harmful, and sometimes even dangerous. This is not the ranting of a religious fanatic who cannot function in ordinary society. These are the concerns of a very normal family who are wondering how they can carve out a happy childhood for their daughter (and hopefully future children) without exposing her to the usual name calling and playground politics of primary education and the peer pressure, sex, drugs and drink of the teen years.

I am very aware that a lot, in fact, most people would venture to say that their school days were relatively happy. Indeed I am one of them. I thoroughly enjoyed most of my schooling and I was lucky enough to make friends easily and do fairly well academically.

But that can't detract from the basic problems that the school system presents in my thoughts. Number one being that parents can't really know exactly what their child is being taught behind closed doors, crucially both by their teachers and their fellow pupils. Again, I have no fear of my daughter making friends with and socialising with children whose family background differs from her own. What I don't want is her to become victim to the far more subtle pressure exerted by an over-emphasis on testing and narrow-minded academia which convinces children that they are worth only what an examiner is willing to grade them. Number two, children who are unhappy at school are often reluctant to discuss their problems with their parents out of a mistaken belief that their parents will be unable to help. Number three leads on from number two, unhappy children who believe they have no outlet for their thoughts and feelings often turn to harmful or negative behaviours that worsen the original issue and make recovery a much more drawn out experience.

Home schooling would virtually resolve all of these issues before they had a chance to even arise. Of course I know it would not be easy. The time and commitment one has to make is enormous. And when more children come along (if it please Him) the time and energy needed only increases.

So, for the time being, I'll keep researching and reading and crucially, praying for the right answer to come.

If anyone reading has any thoughts or experiences on home-schooling either here in the UK or in the US that they would be happy to share, I would thoroughly enjoying reading them. Many thanks in advance!

The Bible: Rewritten

2010-03-05T16:03:00.007Z

I'm happy to admit that I like to watch TV on occasion. I'm very aware that it is de rigeur at the moment to publicly declare oneself a TV-a-phobe, but I don't. I love watching 'American Idol' and I'll definitely be tuning in to see what happens at this year's Oscars.

I also love a good, engaging documentary. So naturally, my curiosity was aroused when I happened upon a show titled "The Bible: A History". The episode I watched centred around the writings of St. Paul and the impact he had and does have on our society today.

It started out well. The presenter, a historian whose name escapes me right now, was engaging and interesting. He provided a lot of interesting tidbits about St. Paul and much of the film was shot in locations that Paul lived and worked in.

So far so good.

The programme was also keen to address the content of Paul's letters and to place his teachings in our modern setting and see how they could best be applied.

Now, anyone who has read the letters of Paul in full will be all too aware of his admonishments concerning the role of women, particularly in the church and in the home. In light of the past 40 years, reading them makes for an uncomfortable experience for a lot of people. And I simply couldn't wait to hear what our learned narrator had to say on the subject!

I was, perhaps predictably, disappointed. As the presenter focused on the first letter of St. Paul to Timothy (or 'The First Epistle of St. Paul The Apostle'...try saying that three times quickly after a glass of wine!), he highlighted this particular passage:

"But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence" - 1 Timothy 2:12.

Even to me, a person of little in depth knowledge of the Bible, the teaching here is clear and unambiguous. Women are not permitted to be priests, or pastors or in any position of spiritual authority. Nor are men to be subject to women in the home. Men are leaders in spiritual and family matters. Simple enough concept.

Naturally, the documentary makers had other ideas. We were introduced to another historian who very kindly explained that "scholars" (she wouldn't name names) today believe that not all of the letters that appear in the NT under Paul's name were actually written by Paul. There are, she enlightened us, 7 definite Pauline letters (again...she wouldn't name them) but the authorship of the rest is in dispute. The particular passage in question, in the letter to Timothy she explained, probably had not been written by St. Paul, but by some later Christians who felt uncomfortable with Paul's 'radical' theology and in particular, his views concerning the "oneness" of all people in Christ:

"There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:28

And so, our programme concluded, we can dismiss these uncomfortable, archaic teachings and embrace a new radical theology, the true theology of Paul and all live as one, equal and indifferent in Christ. Jew and Gentile, man and woman, straight and gay. Bam! End of programme. Roll credits.

Sigh...

Whilst I in no way dispute what Paul wrote to the Galatians, I also do not dispute the teachings that appear in Timothy, Ephesians, Corinthians and more.

It is true, there are numerous passages in the Old Testament and New and particularly in the writings of Paul that, in the wrong light, can be seen to diminish the role of women and perhaps even oppress and degrade women. We are to keep silent in the churches, we must submit to our husbands, in everything. We are expected to be keepers at home, to raise our children ourselves and to live a way of life that is in direct contradiction to most of what we are taught in schools, higher education and by the media and government.

On the face of it, these admonishments can appear to marginalise us. But viewed in the correct context, these teachings simply outline for women our God ordained spheres of authority and control. We are to be our children's primary carers. What an enormous responsibility! Their day to day education and moral training is our job. We need not concern ourselves with leading the family unit, or making decisions that could potentially impact ourselves and our families for years, maybe decades to come. We are freed from the burden of sole financial responsibility and instead, we our made the boss of our own workplace - the home.

We could consider that by submitting to our husbands we are taking second place or we could consider that by choosing to submit to our husbands we are enabling them to fulfil their God ordained role as leader and head. Without our co-operation, their role is made almost impossible.

Women in a position of submission hold far more power than they even know! And it is this key 'contradiction' that they makers of this documentary failed to recognise. Paul wasn't a chauvinist or a misogynist. Women are not instructed to be submissive and "in silence" because we are lesser beings. Our historian friend is so right when he says that in Christ, we are all equal, men and women are of the same value. But crucially our roles, our specialisms are different. And we can best serve our families, our churches and ultimately God by respecting these natural differences and throwing ourselves 100% into the work given to us.

It occurs to me that if we can trust in our faith that a man named Jesus who lived 2000 years ago came to earth from heaven, was crucified and died for our sins and three days later was resurrected from the dead then surely it's not that much of a stretch to believe that the writings of his faithful servant and ardent follower St. Paul just might have something worthwhile to teach to today's world, even if some learned "scholars" dispute their authenticity.

Perhaps our documentary film-makers should have more accurately titled their programme, "The Bible: Rewritten".

After all, that's what they tried to do.

English Senorita!

2010-03-03T14:42:00.013Z

I have a real passion for cooking. I'm no Martha Stewart or Delia Smith, but what I lack in skill, I try to make up for with enthusiasm. I am loath to be a slave to cook books and other people's way of doing things, so where I can, I make up my own recipes from scratch.

As a result, dinner time in our house is often an eccentric experience, but fun and usually tasty all the same.

Last night was fajita night. I don't make my own tortillas (yet!) but I have come up with a little recipe for fajita marinade which turned out really well!

Chicken Fajita Recipe: Serves 2-3

200g chicken, diced
2 bell peppers, cut into strips
1 onion, finely chopped

Marinade Ingredients:
2 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tspbs paprika
1 tspb cumin
1/2 tspb cayenne pepper
1 tspb clear set honey
1 tspb brown sugar
2 tsbps olive oil
juice of 1 lemon

1. In a large frying pan, heat the chicken, onion and peppers in a little olive oil.
2. When chicken is nearly cooked, add the marinade ingredients and stir until all the chicken and peppers are evenly coated.
3. Add a little hot water to keep the chicken moist and then cover and leave to cook on a low heat for about 15 minutes.
4. Once the chicken is thoroughly cooked, it is ready to be served!

Best served with corn or flour tortillas, spicy salsa and soured cream.

"Jesus Of Nazareth" - An Unfinished Book Review

2010-02-28T13:18:00.015Z

I love being reminded of why I am Catholic. I sometimes go through phases of disillusionment with the Church. The abuse scandals, stories of errant priests and even church politics...it can all make me put on my sulky, judgemental hat and silently wish I were a Quaker (no hierarchy, no disputes over doctrine, in fact, not much talking at all!)

Ah, but then He steps in and sends me a little reminder of all that is best about Catholicism.

Last week, that reminder came to me in my local library. I had only gone there to return some books and I had little time to spare with a fussy, teething baby strapped to me. But just by chance, I caught sight of the book "Jesus of Nazareth". I grabbed the only copy, rushed through the check out and hurried home. I am very glad I did.

This is the first book written by our Pope Benedict and it is gloriously simple in it's aim. It is his "personal search for the face of the Lord".

I wish I were smart enough to do justice to this book and describe how profound it is. But I can't. It is at times bewilderingly complex and I find myself re-reading passages and sentences many times over trying to get to the root of what the author is saying.

In basic form, it is a review of the Jesus of the Gospels and it outlines the key stories and ideas about Him, starting first with His baptism. It is, in part, an attempt to rescue Christ from the many modern interpretations of the New Testament which portray Him as something which He is simply not (whether that be just a wise teacher, a revolutionary military leader, a lover to Mary Magdalene or even more startling, a lover to St. John).

Reading it, I'm astonished by how much I don't know about Him and the world in which He was first revealed. Particularly striking for me was a simple 2 page discussion of the role of Barabbas. I had always thought of Barabbas as a crazed figure, a murderous mad-man whose public image Pilate was depending on to keep him from having to pass judgement on Christ. Our author reveals that actually, Barabbas was more likely a revolutionary leader, a sort of "messianic figure" who had led a recent uprising in the area. I learnt that his name, Bar-abbas, means "son of the father"...and that the choice Plate offers the people between these two messianic figures is no accident. My jaw dropped...and this was just a taster.

Passages and stories from New Testament are dissected and analysed in such intricate detail. Seemingly innocuous sentences and phrases are given new depth and meaning. And more times than I can count, the writings in the NT are linked to Old Testament prophecies and passages, demonstrating just how rich and layered the Judaeo-Christian faith is.

I can't wait to finish this book and though it will probably take me some time (I was using my dictionary before I had finished the first chapter!) it is going to be infinitely worth it.

'The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple'.
Psalm 19:7

Pretty In Pink

2010-02-26T13:43:00.013Z

I blogged a few weeks ago about my very talented sister and her propensity for making beautiful things from yarn.

Well, we were lucky enough to have her visit us last weekend and lo! She came bearing yet more beautiful gifts for Baby Martha. These gorgeous socks and booties are a perfect fit...and such a sweet colour.

In fact, they are so lovely I'm almost tempted to squeeze my feet into them!

'She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight'.
Proverbs 31:13

Swimming Against The Tide

2010-02-25T11:42:00.004Z

It's a tough job being a woman in this day and age. Even more so being a young woman. Mine is the generation that has never known a world without feminism and 'women's rights' and in many ways we have reaped much benefit from the changes that have occured in the past 30 years or so. We can climb the career ladder and own property (when Margaret Thatcher first became Prime Minister she, like every woman in the UK, was legally unable to buy a house for herself; needing the signature of a male guarantor. And she was the PM!). We can buy our own cars and clothes and holidays and we do not need to rely on a man to provide for us.

We are the 'Sex and the City' generation. We've grown up listening to Beyonce preaching to us about being an "Independent Woman" and we've watched Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda sleep their way through New York, decked out in designer gear whilst simultaneously holding down fabulous, glamorous high pressure jobs. Yes, truly, we can do anything that a man can and we can do it in heels.

And I don't begrudge anyone the right to live how they want but for those of us (there are many...I know there are) who decide not to buy into the system, life can be tricky.

This has become all the more obvious to me since leaving my work and 'coming home'. I wasn't a real high-flyer, but I did work in a high pressure, male dominated industry where competition was fierce. At times, it was a really depressing place to be. Women were seldom taken seriously and there was an expectation that we would work a lot harder than the men just to be noticed.
The effect this had on the women was quite profound. Few were married, fewer still had children. And the further up the ladder you climbed, the less and less likely you were to find women living in traditional families. "Man-bashing" was a common every day occurrence, the prospect of babies and children was frequently scoffed at and Lord help you if you dare to suggest that it's not such a bad thing to be dependent on a man.

So I was not at all surprised to read the results of an American health study a few months ago that rather sensationally revealed that "career women" have higher levels of infertility, more incidents of hormone in-balances and are more prone to heart attacks, stroke and similar health problems resulting from their stressful work environments.

Women have clearly suffered as a result of the massive back-lash against traditional gender roles. Wasn't the concept of female emancipation supposed to be about choice? I find it hard to believe that scores of women across the western world are shackling themselves to jobs that leave them exhausted and childless because they want to.

Maybe this is happening because women so often feel that they simply don't have a choice. The messages we hear throughout school, university, from friends and teachers are relentless. You either work full-time, or you're "just a mother". You either support the availability of abortion, or you are anti-woman. You either earn as much money as you can or you risk handing over all control to the man in your life. You either wait to have babies until you're in you're late 30's or you're wasting your youth.

This isn't choice. This is battery by social expectation.

But despite years and years of heavy propaganda, the tide of our culture cannot wash away the basic biological and psychological instincts of women. A lot of us still do want to have children, some of us really long for it. We still do wish to be married rather than just live with someone. We still enjoy pottering about at home on a sunny day, baking a cake, knitting a scarf or potting some plants. We may be aware that these things don't constitute 'meaningful' work in the eyes of society but a lot of us still do it all anyway.

I'm one of the lucky ones though.

I have felt completely liberated since leaving the work-place and my experiences made me seriously re-assess most of what I was taught by my hardcore feminist lecturers at university. And I was incredibly lucky to meet a man who really valued the role of a traditional wife and mother, a man who is not afraid to carry the financial burden of our family without support from his wife.

I would love to be able to say that I have a magic solution, an antidote to the huge pressure heaped on young women to abandon their natural instincts and hurl themselves into stressful careers which force them to behave and act like men. But there is no antidote. My daughter will no doubt experience the same pressure when she comes of age.

But what we can do is eliminate ourselves from the competition. We can remove ourselves from the rat-race and decide alone how to best spend our time and energy. I believe for some women, this does mean forging a career, even when children come along. But for great numbers of women, the traditional role of wife and mother is a valid choice, made through conscious and deliberate consideration of all the available options.

We need to reclaim our right to choose. We will have to swim against the tide and begin a new, fresh 'women's movement'. We don't need to take to the streets though, wave banners or hold meetings. We can start this movement by simply by refusing to 'justify' our choices to virtual strangers. We can start by holding ourselves answerable only to God and our conscience.

We need to reclaim our right to choose.

Trying Times

2010-02-23T11:04:00.004Z

Martha is going through a difficult phase at the moment. I'm almost certain she's teething...and it's making her really grouchy!

Screaming fits in the evening, fussiness during the day, a desperate urge to have something in her mouth constantly, a reluctance to be put down...ever and frequent night-wakings. It's been a very trying few days. And it is so easy when things are like this to let the frustration overcome me and really lose my temper. So it helps me to remember....

It's all worth it. That big gummy grin she gives me every morning when we've just woken up. That high pitched squeal of a laugh she emits when I tickle her tummy. The way she looks at her Daddy when he comes home every day. She is my greatest blessing and God's greatest gift.

I love being her mother.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate".

Psalm 127: 3-5

A Loaf for Lent!

2010-02-18T16:41:00.006Z

This is a great recipe for Lent as it is fairly plain as well as inexpensive to make. It's also a perfect alternative to the average fat-laden breakfast muffin.

It has no chocolate, no icing, no butter and no cream...I admit I'm not making it sound terribly nice. But trust me, it is!

Bran Loaf Recipe:

Serve with butter, low-fat spread or jam. Or just eat it plain.

75g Kelloggs All-Bran cereal
165g self raising flour
175g dried mixed fruit
120g light brown soft sugar
300ml milk
A few teaspoons of nutmeg and cinnamon.

1. Place the cereal, mixed fruit, sugar and milk in a large mixing bowl and leave for about 90 minutes.
2. Once the mixture has gone really soggy, pre-heat the oven to 150oC and grease a 1 lb loaf tin with plenty of butter (I find it best NOT to line the tin with greaseproof paper as it can stick very hard to the loaf.)
3. Next, sieve the flour into the mixture and mix thoroughly.
4. Add the nutmeg & cinnamon and mix.
5. Spoon the mixture into the tin and bake in the oven for about 90 minutes.

And you're done!

The Lenten Bookshelf

2010-02-17T12:50:00.018Z

Life can get horribly complicated at times and I for one, find it all too easy to get completely wrapped up in the most insignificant of events.

But the season of Lent is the perfect antidote to this kind of 'internal noisiness'. Lent is the time to take a mental step back from the world, look deep into oneself and reflect.

And I find it helps enormously to have some sound religious and spiritual reading material on hand to assist me in this.

These are the items currently sitting on my 'Lenten bookshelf':

1. The Bible - A perpetual source of knowledge, wisdom, inspiration and comfort. Essential reading at all times of the year, but especially leading up to Easter.

2. "St. Therese of Lisieux" by Kathryn Harrison - This is a re-read. Well, actually, it's more like a re-re-re-re-re-read! But I absolutely adore this book. I don't know why or even how I came to read it in the first place but the story and the life of St. Therese has fascinated me ever since. I have come to think of her almost as my own patron saint. She embodied everything that is best about the faith. She had one goal in mind, to love Christ. And she succeeded in committing every action, every word and almost every thought to Him. And yet she was precocious, unusual, even childish and silly at times. She stands for me as the ultimate example that we do not need to be perfect to love God. By His grace all of us are capable of being saints.
This book doesn't shy away from the difficult aspects of her life and her struggle through what is called the "Dark Night of The Soul" is depicted very sharply. Kathryn Harris succeeds in making her subject seem above all, human. A beautiful book.

3. "Created To Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl - This is a book aimed at Christian women who are, or are preparing to be, wives and mothers and whilst it's focus is distinctly not Catholic, there seems to be some really useful challenging stuff in it. It looks to be a very interesting read!

4. The Catechism of The Catholic Church - Found on the Vatican website (www.vatican.va). This I have undertaken to read this Lent to get a better understanding of the faith from a practical view. A sort of ABC of Catholicism!

I hope, after these 6 weeks, to be better grounded in the faith and to have a fresh, motivated outlook on life.

To all those observing the season, may you have a peaceful and productive Lent!

My Funny Valentine

2010-02-15T18:33:00.005Z

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Typically it's a day for big romantic gestures, spending a little too much money and eating out at fancy restaurants. But we keep things pretty low key in our family. We don't buy extravagant gifts or make wild, grand gestures. We are far more content just to be home together, enjoying each other's company.

So instead, we ate a lovely home-cooked meal, took a walk together and exchanged some little gifts.

And in the afternoon, Hubby set about doing a few little D.I.Y jobs he has been wanting to do.

So this post is dedicated to him.

I love you my sunny, funny Valentine!

Sweets For My Sweetie

2010-02-13T17:18:00.010Z

It's nearly St. Valentine's Day! A day for red roses, big pink heart balloons, cuddly toys and over-sized cards.

And in this house, it is definitely a day for chocolate. (Especially as Lent is coming up so soon...this is the last chance for 6 weeks!)

So in the spirit of all things sweet and romantic, here is a recipe given to me by my lovely little sister.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Rocky Road Recipe

1.4 kg milk chocolate
8 chocolate bars (any kind will do!), roughly chopped
180g Maltesers
100g dried apricots, chopped
100g raisins
100g marshmallows
100g cornflakes
100g chocolate sprinkles

1. Melt the milk chocolate and the chocolate bars (but not the Maltesers) in a large bowl over hot water.
2. Weigh all the dry ingredients, except the chocolate sprinkles.
3. When the chocolate is melted, stir in the dry ingredients until they are fully coated.
4. Line a lasagne-style dish with cling film and then pour in mixture.
5. Smooth over with a tablespoon and put chocolate sprinkles on top.
6. When the mixture has completely cooled, place in the refrigerator and leave overnight. Do not place the mixture in the fridge whilst still warm.

The Power of A Psalm

2010-02-12T13:45:00.005Z

The power of prayer, in my view, cannot be over-estimated. And although God already knows our hearts, minds and all our 'whys and wherefores', being able to place all our worries in His hands is truly a liberating and wonderful experience.

But I sometimes struggle to construct prayers that I think are truly meaningful. Prayers that truly convey how I feel and what I need help with.

And so I often turn to the best source of inspiration, The Bible and in particular, the book of Psalms. This book has been used for centuries as an aid to monastic and prayer life and the celebration of Mass always includes the recitation of a psalm, in response to the First Reading, which helps to remind Catholics of these beautiful writings.

And with the revival of the Liturgy of The Hours, the psalter has made something of a come back!

For me, the Psalms are amongst the most poetic and emotive words ever committed to paper. And I often find myself turning to them for help, inspiration and comfort. In this book are contained prayers and verses for just about any occasion, feeling or experience.

The below are a few snippets of my favourite psalms.

Psalm 15 Vs. 1 - 3

Preserve me God, I take refuge in you
I say to the Lord "You are my God
My happiness lies in you alone".

Psalm 101 Vs. 1 - 3

O Lord, listen to my prayer
and let my cry for help reach you.
Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress.
Turn your ear towards me
and answer me quickly when I call.

Psalm 102 Vs. 1 -6

My soul, give thanks to the Lord
all my being, bless His holy name.
My soul, give thanks to the Lord
and never forget all his blessings.

It is He who forgives all your guilt,
who heals every one of your ills,
who redeems your life from the grave,
who crowns you with love and compassion,
who fills your life with good things,
renewing your youth like an eagle's.

Taken from The Grail Translation, the translation used in the Catholic Liturgy.

Other translations, such as that found in the Jerusalem Bible (pictured above), amalgamate Psalms 9 and 10 and therefore Psalm 15 in the Grail Translation may be found under Psalm 14 in other versions.

Don't Try This At Home!

2010-02-11T18:15:00.009Z

Each evening, while we're having our daily catch up, I ask Hubby a question.

"What do you want for dinner tomorrow"?

Invariably he will say he wants a curry, or a chilli, or perhaps something with potato.

But occasionally, just once in a while, he'll throw me a curve ball and ask for something a bit...ahem...unusual.

Yesterday was one of those days. For his dinner, he said, he would like a tuna risotto...with onion... and garlic... and Worcester sauce.

Hmmm...

Hesitations put aside, what Hubby wants Hubby gets when it comes to his dinner. So I set about trying to make an edible meal from this random assortment of requested ingredients. And this was the result.

So here is my recipe for a very bizarre risotto. And d'you know what? It didn't taste half bad!

'Hubby's Crazy Risotto' : Serves 2

1 large onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
200g risotto/ arborio rice
1 can of tuna, well drained
1/2 can of sweetcorn, well drained
A few splashes of worcester sauce (add as much or as little as you like).
1/2 tspb paprika
black pepper to taste
cheese, to grate (any kind you like!)

1. Heat a little olive oil in a large pan.
2. Saute onion and garlic on a low heat until soft.
3. Add the rice and fry for a further minute until all the rice is coated in the oil.
4. Add a few ladel-fuls of boiling water (using a stock cube is optional...I prefer to do without the salt) and stir thoroughly.
5. Add the tuna, sweetcorn and paprika and worcester sauce and stir thoroughly, simmering gently on a low heat.
6. Continue to add more water as required until the rice is thoroughly cooked.
7. Once served, grate the cheese on top.

And you're done! Now you can enjoy (or not enjoy) your crazy concoction!

DISCLAIMER - www.marthassecretvineyard.blogspot.com cannot be held liable for any wasted ingredients or emotional distress caused as a result of serving this meal.

Lenten Challenge

2010-02-10T12:37:00.010Z

It's nearly that time of year again. Lent. In a week's time there will come 40 days and 40 nights in which to reflect, pray, repent and deny to self.

I'll admit I don't enjoy Lent. I know for some people the challenge of self-control and the extra focus on prayer is inspiring and positive, but I don't find it so. I always do participate in the Lenten challenges though. I observe the no meat on Fridays rule, I confess and I give up something I love for the duration but often-times, the spirit of the season is really lacking in me. Giving up chocolate is not so hard to do, but vowing not to moan about it is a real challenge!

But this year I sense that things will have to change. I will have to up my game and really throw myself into Lent with the right attitude. Since becoming a mother and realising the enormous responsibilities that this brings, I see that in future I will be the example that my daughter follows, in so many areas of life. If I am to expect her to observe this season, and to benefit spiritually from it, I will have to show her how to do it. And this year is an excellent year to begin for I have been challenged by Hubby to attend Mass every day during Lent as well as observing all the other usual practices. And what better reminder could there be of the meaning of Lent than celebrating Mass every day?

So this year, I've decided that instead of spending another 6 weeks moaning about the fact that I'm not eating chocolate, or watching TV, or buying magazines, or whatever other challenge I've taken upon myself; I am going to spend 6 weeks giving up the things I love, attending Mass daily and not complaining about it.

It should make for an interesting, challenging 6 weeks. But I have a good feeling I'll come out the other side feeling refreshed, motivated and humbled.

Bring On The Lenten Challenge!

*Photo from http://recoveringperfectionist.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/angelsey-llanddwyn-cross-1.jpg

Yellow and Orange and Blue...I Can See A Rainbow

2010-02-09T14:07:00.007Z

At last! After a very grey few weeks, the sun came out today. Already there are some daffodils to be seen and the scent of spring is not too far away.

All this sun has enticed many out of winter hibernation.

Including this fellow...my lovely orange-furred cat 'Ginger'.

He took advantage of the pleasant temperature and climbed the nearest tree in the hope of 'wooing' a lovely bird. No such luck for my four-legged friend though...as the object of his desire didn't quite reciprocate his affections!

Better luck next time Ginge!

A Contribution

2010-02-08T20:42:00.007Z

At the inception of this blog, I said that I would dedicate my daily writings to all the things that I love; family, faith, home...and cake. Nothing that I have written about could be considered particularly weighty and certainly none of it is intellectual. And yet a big part of my family life involves debate and discussion of heavier issues. Each night after our daughter has fallen asleep, my husband and I talk. And it's not unusual for us to glance at the clock after what seems like a few minutes only to discover that we have been talking for hours. Politics, religion, society, economics...nothing is off topic. I have learnt so much from him and I continue to daily seek his opinion on so many issues that crop up, not only in our lives, but in the wider world.

Long before I started this online 'diary', I had been somewhat pestering my husband (very gently!) to put electronic pen to paper and contribute some of his thoughts and ideas to the world wide web. Needless to say, he has neither enough time nor enough inclination to start his own blog just yet, but I have managed to persuade him to contribute a post to mine regarding a documentary film he saw last week which piqued his interest.

The following represents this other side of my home-life. A cake recipe it is not! But it is just as much a part of my every day life as anything I have written. Over to you Hubby...

'Shostakovich Against Stalin - The War Symphonies' : A Review

Larry Weinstein, by his own admission and definition 'a middle-class Canadian' seems an unlikely candidate to undertake the making of this film - a journey through one of Russia's most famous composer's idealogical battles with one of world's most dictatorial madmen.

There is much to recommend this documentary film, made in 1997 before the trend of 'docudrama' and its attempts to recreate history rather than tell the story straight, but there is a sense of detachment from the subject material that sit a little uneasily. The film combines elements of a history lesson with orchestral performance and it can be unclear at times wether we are meant to be listening to the music or getting the message about Stalin's purges. Yes, the music was the means employed by Shostakovich to convey his dislike of Stalin's regime and so both are closely related but the conductor Valery Gergiev's monologues about the symphonies add nothing to the story of the purges or the Nazi seige of Leningrad in which Shostakovich was trapped. The detachment continues in the interviews with the friends and family of Shostakovich himself. These lack the warmth of a film maker really trying to tell what is, after all, the story of their opression.

There are however several moments which do genuinely bring home the terror of what ordinary Russians experienced during the 1930's and 40's. The siege of Leningrad lasted 872 days and killed over 1 million people, Nazi Germany had the city surrounded and cut off almost all supplies of food, water, and energy. Many were starving and many died as a result. That an orchestra was able to motivate itself through this horror to put on a performance of Symphony No. 7 is truly amazing, even though many members of the orchestra had died and the remaining members would clearly have been both terrorised and in mourning.

The way in which Shostakovich was targetted by the Stalin's security apparatus, presumably for the purposes of being 'purged', was also highly enlightening. In many ways similar to Josef K's treatment in Kafka's 'The Trial', Shostakovich was summoned, interviewed, released, summoned again and so forth - we understand without being told on what grounds he was being subjected to this 'judicial' process. In a bizarre twist of fate, we are told that Shostakovich only escaped imprisonment (or worse) because the man investigating him was himself being investigated and is arrested the day before he intends to make Shostakovich disappear. Shostakovich had even said goodbye to his family. It amply demonstrates the way in which the secret police seem to have behaved in many of the 'communist' experiments in history.

The archive footage of Stalin himself is equally chilling, like something out of a dystopian film, except that we know this was no fiction. Things are relieved somewhat by the inclusion of extracts from Mikhail Chiaureli's "Fall Of Berlin" for which Shostakovich provided the score. In this film, under Stalin's ultimate direction, the story of World War II is retold in the manner in which Stalin would have wanted it. If the truth wasn't so truly awful it would be funny, the way in which Stalin has himself portrayed in iconic fashion as the saviour of Russia and the Russian people. The actor playing Stalin is so wooden, I wondered if he was simply too scared to act?

It seems by providing film scores, at which he was considered rather good, Shostakovich had made himself useful to the Soviet authorities and he ultimately did not suffer any physical harm. Most of the persecution appears to have been pyschological, denounced as "against the people" on two occasions by the Soviet Central Committee and forced to write more 'pleasing' film scores.

This leads to the other problematic area of the film, namely that to show how terrible the purges were for Shostakovich and to focus only on that ignores how much worse things would have been for ordinary Russians. Shostakovich was not an ordinary Russian. His family were educated, professional, privileged in some ways. Identified as a prodigy at eight years of age, Shostakovich's path was not one of triumph over adversity. In many ways, Shostakovich's public presence and his popularity would have made it more difficult for Stalin to persecute him; at least compared with a Joe Nobody who could be executed for simply saying a few words against the party. Shostakovich was certainly brave to create 'unpleasing' music, but that bravery and his misfortune should be viewed in context.

This is an interesting film, not perfect by any means and it perhaps doesn't live up to its full potential, but if you like music and 20th century history it is definitely worth a look.

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

2010-02-08T14:58:00.008Z

Some days are just not conducive to feeling optimistic and cheerful. Today is one of those days here. We've come back home after a wonderful week with family. And although I love being home, the weather is cold, the sky is grey and it's back to reality. Hardly the most welcome return.

But no matter! As I have a happy reminder of all that we enjoyed.

I made this tea-towel with some (...ok...alot) of help from my Mum, whilst staying at my parents farm.

I bought the material on a whim as it is just so pretty and colourful. I couldn't resist!

It's definitely brightened up this dull day.

'Finding Happiness' - A Book Review

2010-02-06T15:35:00.018Z

Are you happy?

You, reading these words right now. Are you happy? Do you even know? Are you sure?

If you are happy (and I hope you are!) I wonder if you're able to explain why it is that you are happy?

I'm happy today. And I can quite easily explain why. I'm with my family. We're on a sort of mini holiday, staying with relatives. There is nice company, nice food, lots of rest and no work to be done. What's not to be happy about?

But supposing we take all these factors away. Suppose instead that I am at home, exhausted from yet another broken night's sleep with the baby, a mountain of laundry to be done and dishes in the sink. I'm on my own until my husband gets home and it's pouring with rain so I can't get out for a walk.

Am I still happy? Would anyone reasonably expect me to still be happy?

And what if my circumstances were even less favourable? What if I had no family? What if I lived alone? What if, instead of caring for a baby at night, I was tired because of ill health? And what if I was incapable of doing the mountain of laundry or the pile of dirty dishes not because I am busy with something else, but because I am so unwell, so tired, that I'm unable to find the strength to do the most basic tasks, like taking a shower or getting dressed?

How many people would be able to face such circumstances and still keep a smile on their face and a positive outlook on life?

Well, in his book 'Finding Happiness', Abbot Christopher Jamison might well argue that happiness could indeed be found in a life such as the one I describe.

Using Benedictine monastic tradition as his guideline, Abbot Jamison outlines not a 'system' of happiness, but more a way of living, that he argues, can and will lead to real happiness. The guidelines are based upon pursuit of several key virtues, aswell as ackowledgment and denial of several 'demons' that act as obstacles to inner peace and happiness.

So far, so Catholic. And yet, this book is so much more than just an overblown advertisement for organised religion. You don't need to be a Catholic to follow Abbot Jamison's fantastic advice. In fact, you don't need to be religious at all.

For all people, religious or otherwise, a life lived in pursuit only of personal pleasure is incapable of bringing deep and lasting happiness. Pleasure can only be defined in vague terms. At most, it can be basically summed up in the rather wishy washy expression "feeling good". Happiness in this context is distinct from pleasure. It can be best defined as "purity of heart". It has nothing to do with personal circumstances, who you are, what you own, your job, your family, your achievements or lack of them. Happiness can never be bought, or sold, nor it is something that is given to you by someone else. It exists solely in the internal workings of a person; in their mind, their heart and their soul.

Achievement of purity of heart requires that we embrace humility, magnanimity and self-control through chastity and our relationship with food. It also requires that we reject the demons that enslave us, of which says the author, pride and vanity are the most destructive. They are the sins of the soul, destined to rot our relationship with ourselves, those around us and for those of a religious persuasion, they are sure to rot entirely our relationship with God.

In it's most basic form, this book beautifully and eloquently unveils that most paradoxical element of Christianity. For us to be exalted, we must humble ourselves. But whoever would exalt himself will find himself humbled. This does not mean that each of us must leave our homes and families and exercise a mass exodus to the nearest monastery or convent (although St. Benedict did make the radical assertion that private ownership was "an evil practise". Gulp).

But what it does mean is that each of us needs to embrace a level of personal responsibility for the communal happiness of those whose lives we affect. Happiness does not exist in a bubble. By rejecting greed, anger, vanity and pride, we will place ourselves in a position to more effectively help others. This will bring us, and others, true and lasting happiness and peace.

It is this basic message that acts as a guide for the way of life that the author advocates.

The book serves as a powerful rebuttal to the old adage that people should be able to do as they please, provided they hurt no one. It is also a wholesale rejection of the excesses of the consumer culture we live in.

In short, it's radical, it is accusing and it has the power to change lives. I think it has changed mine.

T.L.M - To Learn More?

2010-02-03T10:23:00.011Z

As anyone reading my little blog might have guessed, I am Catholic. I come from a strongly Catholic family. We did, and do, celebrate Mass every Sunday along with every holy day of obligation.

But in recent years, with the arrival of a new parish priest, we as a family have been introduced to the celebration of our faith in Latin!

Known in short as TLM; Traditional Latin Mass, the Tridentine Mass, The Extraordinary Form of the Mass...whatever it is called, it sounds slightly old-fashioned with maybe just a hint of grandeur. And in truth, it is.

This is Mass 'old-school'...the priest has his back to the congregation at all times except the homily and the entire service is conducted in, yep, you guessed it folks, Latin.

And in truth, this poses a few problems for me in some respects. I find it hard to engage with the service fully as I mentally scrabble with the translation whilst straining my ears to try to hear what Father is saying.

And yet, through the most unlikely of people, I have seen the Mass through fresh eyes. Last night, as I attended our monthly Sung Latin Mass, I was, as usual, grappling to keep up with the rapid pace and the foreign language when I caught a glimpse of my daughter's face as she sat happily in my husband's lap. Smiling brightly, and cooing, she looked blissfully happy and entertained. The lights, the incense, the organ and the singing. It is a beautiful experience. And by her face, I was instantly reminded that Mass need not be an intellectual experience. I was forgetting it's true purpose, getting lost in my worldly thoughts and frustrations. No real comprehension is absolutely required. Even a 5 month old baby is capable of participating in and enjoying the experience.

Mass, even the Latin Mass, is truly for all. The Catholic Church is the Universal Church and every Mass is the opportunity to be close to Christ, to remind ourselves of the sacrifice He made and to ask Him to help us. Most crucially, it is THE time to ask Him to forgive us.

Everything else...the music, the lights, the candles, the rhythmic sound of the Latin prayers...they're all just the icing on the cake.

Last night, sat in that smoky church, it dawned on me that for me, T.L.M might just mean 'To Learn More'.

Creative Queen Bee

2010-01-31T17:09:00.009Z

My little sister is my Creative Queen Bee. She is so very talented in so many areas that I wish I were more so. Knitting, crochet, quilting, baking, cooking...she can do it all and with aplomb. To say nothing of her academic achievements, her wonderfully creative frugal lifestyle and her community work. She's a huge inspiration to me.

And she is currently embarking on an epic glove making journey...

This picture is of a pair that she has made for herself...and they're so pretty! Next up, a pair of fingerless gloves that she is currently making for a loved one.

Although I imagine double pointed knitting is a long way off for me, she is a very generous tutor and is always willing to sit and help me with whatever craftiness I am trying to master.

How lucky I am to have her as my sister and my friend!

Blessed

2010-01-29T12:33:00.016Z

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,
for they shall possess the earth.

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for justice,
for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called sons of God.

Matthew 5: 3-12

Chilli con Carne

2010-01-29T11:52:00.009Z

Chilli is a big deal in our house. It's rare that a week goes by without Hubby suggesting, nay, insisting we have a chilli. Fortunate then, that I love it too!

As with all my recipes, I have no idea if this would qualify as a genuine chilli, but it tastes nice, is not difficult to make, nor does it take hours, so it's a winner in my book!

Chilli Recipe: Serves 4

250g extra lean minced beef steak
200g kidney beans
1 onion, finely chopped
1 clove of garlic, crushed
1 fresh green chilli, finely chopped
1 tspb red chilli flakes
2 tspb paprika
Pinch of cayenne pepper
2 tsbp sugar
Splash of red wine

1. In a large saucepan or frying pan, place beef, onion and garlic and cook until the meat has browned. (No oil is needed to cook with, as the beef contains more than enough).
2. Add the kidney beans and cook for a further 5 minutes.
3. Add the chopped fresh chilli.
4. Add the chilli flakes, paprika and cayenne pepper, adding more or less to taste
5. Add the sugar and stir thoroughly.
6. Cook for a further 5 minutes
7. Finally, add the red wine and stir thoroughly. Cover and simmer gently for about 15 minutes.

And you're done!

'Finding Happiness' - An Unfinished Book Review

2010-01-28T14:49:00.011Z

I'm reading the most fantastic book. "Finding Happiness" by Abbot Christopher Jamison is refreshing, honest and complex. The title is perhaps too reminiscent of so many cliched 'self-help' books that blight our bookshops, but no one should be put off, as a self-help book this is definitely not.

In this deeply probing book, Abbot Christopher takes us deep into the heart of Christian monastic tradition in search of the answer to that age-less question; what makes us happy?

I'm only a few chapters into this book, but I can see already just how edifying and convicting this read will be.

In those first few chapters, he writes at length about the spiritual apathy that plagues so many that live in our consumer culture. It is this, he concludes, that is at the heart of so much of our discontent. He calls for an avoidance of introspection (of looking into oneself in a selfish regard) and a return to self-awareness, whereby we examine not just our interior world, but also how that interior world causes us to engage with those around us.

It's fascinating, surprising, (I had never before considered that good deeds can be used to distract oneself from a internal spiritual struggle taking place) it's wonderfully written and I have a feeling that it is going to have a big impact on my prayer life and the everyday priorities I make.

Now I just need to find the time to finish it!

Inspiration

2010-01-27T21:01:00.013Z

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God".

Titus 2 vs 4-5

Hey Big Spender!

2010-01-26T19:17:00.017Z

Much is made about housewives and money. I can't count the number of times I have heard the phrase: "I would love to stay at home, but we just can't afford it". It's widely assumed that in order to stay at home and be a homemaker, your husband must either be really rich or you have to live like paupers, surviving on bread and water alone.

Of course, neither scenario is true. It would be false to suggest that I don't sometimes struggle with the lose of my personal income. Having to budget very tightly is new to me, having become used to having the cash to go out for dinner if I wanted, or buying a stash of my favourite bath products to keep for rainy nights in.

But these are of course luxuries, albeit relatively modest ones. And since coming home, I have had to give up the freedom to have and do these things as I please. But it is quite possible for almost any couple* to maintain a lifestyle that neither deprives them of the necessary, nor forces both parties into the work-force.

And once you start making room for the role of homemaker, it's amazing the contentment and pleasure that is to be found in small, every-day details. A morning cup of tea, drunk in bed while the sun streams through the window. The smell of freshly baked biscuits and cakes which you just know you would never find the time or energy to make if you were out of the house from 9-5 every day. The freedom to stop, relax, or even take a walk when you need to, not when someone tells you to. You don't need wealth to afford these luxuries. Deciding to come home may mean sacrificing new clothes, expensive haircuts, perhaps even a car or fancy house, but for the average person*, it can be done.

But in order for this message to spread throughout society, we need to have a major shift in what is promoted and sold as "necessary". Everyone needs to be able to afford a roof over their heads and have enough money to heat it, light it and cook food in it. But holidays, multiple cars, clothes allowances, trips to the hair salon and the thousands of other items and luxuries which we are told we need are expendable. They're just the icing on the cake. And truth be told, they don't bring real happiness or contentment to people's lives. They're designed not to. If you buy a car and are satisfied with it, there will then be no incentive to "upgrade". The same goes for houses and holidays. But flick through any magazine, or pass any billboard and we are sold the message that nirvana is to be found in the tangible, every-day objects that fill our homes and garages.

It's time for a revolution of thought. It's time to reject what keeps us bound as slaves to money and wealth.

Being a housewife is a powerful symbol of this revolution of thought. It is a message to the world that you don't value yourself only according to what someone is willing to pay you. It sends the message that consumer goods don't bring a household peace or harmony.

It's time to reclaim our intrinsic value and be unashamed of what we do and why.

So to all housewives: Embrace what you do! Be proud of this happy calling. And when 'they' question you with a sneer of their face and contempt in their voice, about "just what it is that you do all day"... tell them you're changing the world.

Afterword: I am very aware that there are many people who truly do not possess the choice to stay at home. I know, for some families, both mother and father must work just to make ends meet. And of course for a single parent of either gender, work is the only option. This post is not attacking or judging those who must work, or risk losing their home or having their children go hungry. This post is trying to shed light on the consumer mentality so prevalent in our society that prevents many from staying at home, even when they could reasonably do so. It is this that I think needs to be tackled.

Dear Diary

2010-01-25T18:17:00.010Z

One of the nicest Christmas presents I have ever recieved, I received for Christmas 2009. A beautifully patterned hard-back notebook.

I've been using it to keep a housekeeping journal. It's such a pleasure to be able to write all my shopping lists, recipe ideas and daily reminders in this pretty little book. I even like to look back at previous day's entries and tick off the jobs that I managed to accomplish. I know...I'm rather sad like that!

But I think the biggest benefit in keeping this little book will come years from now when I look back through my journal at this, my very first year at home. I wonder what I'll see? Will I laugh at badly drafted recipes and oh-so-simple knitting patterns? And what of the reminders to return my overdue library books written in HUGE CAPITAL LETTERS? That will serve as a reminder of my ever-present forgetfulness and occasional disorganisation I'm sure!

But more than any of that, I hope it will remind me that life is one long learning curve and that we never reach the summit of our capabilities. I hope it will inspire me to keep plodding along on my home-making journey. And I hope it will help me remember that my life at home, although small, is a life that has not been in vain. Every page is full of meals cooked for people I love, household chores that helped make my husbands day run just that little bit more smoothly and time spent planning gifts for birthdays. anniversaries, Christmas and Easter.

It is these things that I hope to see when I look back in 20, 30, 50 years time.

In total; a life spent at home with the people I love.

Curry Favour

2010-01-23T17:24:00.002Z

My husband is obsessed with curry. Totally obsessed. And the hotter, the better. He would be happy to eat it every day I think, provided I serve it with a variety of vegetables.

Since this is one of his favourite meals, I've tried to come up with my own curry recipe, one as tasty as his favourite from the local Indian takeaway. It's taken a good few months of trial and error and reliance on ready-made curry pastes but I think I've finally come up with a recipe of my own that I am happy to serve whenever his curry mood strikes.

And as a result, I've fallen very much in love with my spice rack! It's amazing what you can do with 5 or 6 spices and a few handfuls of red lentils.

I wish I could claim that this curry recipe is the real deal, but truth be told, I know precious little about authentic Indian cuisine. So while I have no idea what category of curry this would fall into, (probably not any!), what I can say is it's hot, it's tastes pretty good and it's cheap to make. And that can never be a bad thing.

I've tried this recipe with a variety of meats, and some vegetarian soya, meat substitues but I think chicken works best.

The quantities of the spices used here are all estimates, nothing exact, and they can all be altered according to taste. This just happens to be a combination we like.

Curry Recipe: Serves 4 adults...or 1 adult plus a very hungry husband!

500 g chicken fillets, or chicken breasts, roughly chopped
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 large handfuls split red lentils, rinsed with cold water
2 fresh chillis (I use 1 red, 1 green), finely chopped
1 tbsp tomato paste/puree
1 tspb white sugar
1 tspb soft brown sugar
1 tbsp turmeric
1 tspb ginger
1 tspb garam marsala
1 tspb cumin
1 tbsp paprika
1/2 tspb cayenne pepper
1 tbsp soured cream

Before starting, fill the kettle and boil.

1. In a large saucepan, lightly saute the onion and garlic in a little olive oil until onions are translucent.
2. Add the chicken and cook for a further 5 minutes, stirring frequently. If the chicken becomes too dry, add a little more olive oil
3. Add the lentils and cook for a further minute.
4. Add the tomato paste and roughly a ladel-ful of hot water and stir thoroughly. The water should cover the lentils completely.
5. Add the chopped chillis and another few ladel-fuls of water.
6. Add all the spices plus the sugar and stir.
7. Reduce heat, cover the pan and leave to simmer until the lentils and the chicken are thoroughly cooked. Add more water as required.
8. Before serving, add the soured cream and mix in thoroughly.

You Crafty Thing

2010-01-23T13:32:00.010Z

I've got the bug. It's so infectious that it's a miracle I lasted this long. But now I've got it and I've got it bad.

I'm obsessed with all things crafty! Knitting, sewing, quilting, crochet...you name it, I want to learn to do it!

I'm a complete novice and I am rather lacking in natural ability but I do make up for this with enthusiasm. There is something so comforting about settling down on the sofa with a cup of peppermint tea and big pile of knitting and sewing books. Although I'm unlikely to ever make even half the patterns I look at, I find them mesmerising.

The picture I've posted here is of my latest stash. Purchased today at 2 local haberdasheries (this is one of the biggest benefits of living smack bang in the middle of a city with all its noise and crowds...you're never more than half an hour away from anything you could possibly need or want).

I'm going to try my hand at a scarf for Hubby. I have a baby blanket currently on the go, but as my knitting confidence grows, I'm keen to get started on some new projects. Eventually, I'd like to learn how to make a whole range of items, from skirts and dresses to patchwork quilts and tea cosies.

In the meantime, I'll bide my time, I'll keep practising and I'll keep on devouring all the patterns and books I can get my grubby mitts on!

True Confessions of a Catholic Housewife

2010-01-22T22:26:00.004Z

This blog is more a sort of internet based personal diary than something I hope many people read. And I've started it because I would like an outlet for this slightly unusual, un-politically correct side of me that has emerged over the past year or two.

At my age, most people (and I use this phrase loosely as I know people enter into all walks of life at all ages) are busying themselves establishing a career, perhaps finding a flat or house to rent by themselves or maybe still sharing a living space with a group of friends. They will probably be keen to go out of an evening...to restaurants, pubs, the theatre, maybe a nice swanky bar.

I know. I was doing it until recently. I would eat out in upmarket gastro pubs a few times a week, spend evenings mulling over a lovely dinner with lots of red wine and good friends. I spent my days at the office, negotiating with tricky colleagues and even trickier office politics.

I wasn't a high-flyer, nor did I have a huge salary. But I had more than enough for my rent and bills and I was able to use the rest to plan nice city breaks with friends and go to the local bakery and delicatessan for croissant and coffee on Saturday mornings.

That was the norm. It was my norm.

But another side of life began to emerge. Another quiet, more domesticated version of me bubbled underneath. Slowly at first, but over time it gained vigour and momentum.

I started to bake my own bread and experiment with re-creating dishes I had eaten in restaurants and other countries.

I got my own sewing machine and I spent a very happy weekend learning how to handstitch a cushion cover.

I became obsessed with interior design books, books about gardens, recipe books and anything written about domesticity and the home.

I tried my hand at making cakes and scones and biscuits. I made my own ice-cream.

I bought fresh flowers and read up on flower arranging.

I began to stay in more and more. I lived with a friend but I often had the entire place to myself. I relished solitary evenings spent cooking, baking or even just doing some laundry whilst listening to music.

It became a joke amongst my friends...what a little housewife I had become. Male friends seemed to like it, female friends were both encouraging and incredulous as to my motives. Was I unhappy? Was I trying to impress people? Or was I just plain odd? Even I wasn't quite sure at first. I only knew that these things made me calm, happy and relaxed.

And then one day I stumbled across a book on Amazon...quite by accident. It was listed in the bestsellers section. It had an intriguing title: "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It sounded like an animal care book gone wrong. I hunted it out at my local library. It was to be the start of a complete revolution within myself and eventually, my mind, my heart and my most basic principles were shifted.

The book itself I found to be brash, amusing in an odd sort of fashion. But the most basic principle struck a chord with me.

Be At Home. Always. Let Home be your Work.

Marriage I had always wanted. Very much so. And the same with children. But the idea of housewifery being a vocation had not occured to me. I always thought I would work outside the home until I had children. Only then would it be time to stop. Being a housewife for the sake of being a housewife had never seemed like a viable possibility.

And here I had stumbled across a whole genre of literature (of which that book might be considered very much on the margin) dedicated to 'The Vocation of the Homemaker'. I read more and more books. The role of the housewife became tied in with the role of a wife, the role of a mother. These 3 seemingly distinct vocations merged in my mind and I knew, this was the life for me.

The more I read, the more convicted I became. This beautiful plan seemed to unveil itself. I had always prayed, very hard, that no matter what happened, God would lead me to right-ness. The right place, the right person, the right job. Here, to this new state of mind, I felt myself being led. My very ideas of marriage and home life began to change. Marriage, I found, would no longer be about just finding a life partner, someone to share my happiness and my sorrow and start a family with. For me to succeed in a wifely role, marriage would have to be about service, putting my family before myself and (here's where it gets controversial) being subject to the authority of my husband.

The principles of biblical marriage are complex and in my culture they're considered either a joke at best or at worst, a violation of basic human rights. And yet, the more I learnt, the more I read, the more it all seemed to fall into place. I wanted to give up my independence, and the freedom to do only as I pleased and offer my help to a man who could lead me in life.

I wanted to become a true help-meet.

I'm still only just starting out on this road and so much of it I still grapple with. I'm sometimes bad-tempered, lazy and ungrateful. But I have a certainty that I'm at least on the right road. I know it does not lead to wealth, or success or any sort of accolades. But I know that in it's place it will lead me to somewhere altogether happier and more profound; fulfilment.

I won't say this is the life for everyone, but I do say it's the life for me.

Carrot Cake

2010-01-21T16:21:00.013Z

Yesterday was baking day. I'm rather too proud of the way this cake turned out as I had adapted and changed the recipe somewhat. I'm still such a novice when it comes to cake making that the little success I have feels like a bigger deal than it is.

Coffee and cake is a classic combination and one I am probably too fond of (Too proud and too fond..not selling my good points here am I?!)

Still...a few pieces of cake can't hurt now and then.

And besides, this cake is a health-food cake...it has carrots in it!

Carrot Cake Recipe:

225g soft brown sugar
225g self-raising flour
225g butter
4 eggs
2-3 medium sized carrots, grated
Juice of 1 lemon OR orange

1. Cream the butter and sugar until smooth.
2. Beat in the eggs and mix well.
3. Add the grated carrots and mix well again.
4. Add the lemon/orange juice.
5. Sift in the flour and mix well.

Bake in a pre-heated oven at 150 degrees C for about 90 minutes in a deep cake tin (I use a cake tin about 4 inches deep). It makes for a very tall, but very delicious cake! Perfect sliced in two halves with vanilla buttercream in the middle.

Big Things Come In Tiny Packages

2010-01-20T15:03:00.029Z

I live in the middle of a city in a weeny, teeny, tiny house. It is so small we don't even have a hallway. Walk through the front door and bam! You're in our lounge. Fancy it ain't.

And in alot (ok...most) ways it is rather un-suited to life with a baby. The stairs are narrow and steep, you have to walk through our bedroom to access the bathroom and nearly all our floors are wooden.

But I love this place more than any other. Heating bills are manageable, I never have to spend more than half an hour doing dishes and cleaning our little kitchen and it's easy to run around for 15 minutes before any visitors arrive to get the place looking pretty decent. In short - this small house makes light work for this housewife.

Which leaves me plenty of time to do the things that I really enjoy; cooking, baking, playing with my daughter, reading, knitting, eating and taking baths.

Since I came home last year, I've been amazed by the liberation that this lifestyle brings. Once you start only buying what you need and not the things you are told you want, you find a whole treasure trove of time and freedom to enjoy your family and home life. Giving up the enormous houses, new clothes, flashy holidays and expensive cars buys you the freedom to give up the rat-race and all it's accompanying exhuastion and stress. Our society has found a way to be affluent and materially wealthy. But I wonder how many neglect to see the mass spriritual poverty that is so often a by-product of living in an endless cycle of consumption and acquisition. We're among the most stressed, anxious and depressed people in the world. We're sold the myth that more always equals more: more money = more happiness. More possessions = more happiness. It's clearly a miscalculation. Consuming only what you need does not have to mean living without. Quite the reverse in fact.

I can only conclude what many other people have probably realised; quality of life has so little to do with money, possessions and status. Once you can pay your bills, have a little left over and not worry about where the next pay cheque is coming from, you've made it. There is no extra happiness to be gained from acquiring more. The research is there. I've read it.*

So I'll take my titchy tiny house and all the freedoms it affords me. And I'll count myself just as rich as all those millionaires who will tonight come home to empty mansions, paid housekeepers and expensive takeaway meals.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthadvice/maxpemberton/4273227/Men-listen-up-money-does-not-make-you-happy.html

The First Post

2010-01-20T13:47:00.002Z

This is a secret diary. Funny that a secret diary should be posted on the internet. But this one is anonymous. Or at least as anonymous as I can make it.

For several years now I have had what you could call a rather drastic change of heart. Although raised in a strongly devout Catholic family, I was educated to university standard and I had, until recently, been engaged in a competitive, well-respected area of work.

To all but those few people closest to me, it would appear I have done everything according to the rule book. Degree - check. Good job - check. Boyfriends - check. Pubs, dating, city breaks, dinner parties, cocktails - check check check. Little of it made me as happy as I am now.

I turned my back on it, for the most part and I came home. I have given up the income, the independence, the lack of responsibility for anyone but myself and have thrown myself head first into what I always knew I really wanted: Marriage, Children and A Home Of My Very Own.

'Martha's Secret Vineyard' is just what it says. It is my beautiful, private retreat from the world and all it's stresses, expectations and disappointments.